It's Just a Scratch
by Dr. Erskine
Summary: What happens when you get scratched in Ooo by some nerd beast? A really kick butt adventure with all the violence and romance you could want! For added entertainment, I'm a mad doctor in this story.
1. So Maybe it is my Fault

_In the land of Ooo anything is possible. Dreams come to life in a matter of moments and lives are extinguished in a matter of seconds. Talking dogs are able to stretch themselves to the size of an auditorium and lemons can be made into lemonade._

_For Finn the hero, now 18 years old in this story, a simple scratch was all it took to catalyze his descent into darkness._

* * *

><p>She slashed at his neck, then his spine, then his face, all in a flash of a second. Blood emanating from the newly formed wounds, her opponent fell to the earthen ground throat slashed and eyes in a dead gaze. The mouth gave one last squeal before the body expired. Satisfied with the creature's death, Marceline steadily floated to the pool around the man-bear-pig and greedily lapped up the blood that began to pool around the carcass.<p>

"Mmmmmm…that felt good" she said after having her fill of the beast. With fresh blood dripping from the edges of luscious lips Marceline continued through the maze.

In the past 1000 years she had been a vampire, Marceline had forbidden herself from consuming the blood of any living being. All except those that got in her way.

The once formidable creature that was only five minutes ago swinging its paw and hand around in a mad attempt at slashing and/or grabbing Marceline was now a mound of bloodied fur and bruised skin. The bear-like head of the creature that bellowed and roared its fierce roaring was now silent and left with its mouth agape as if in amazement of the fate it found itself in.

'I wonder what Finn tastes like' Marceline thought to herself before chuckling at the question.

Staring at her surroundings, Marceline began to realize something.

'Damn it, this is the same spot in the maze with that fork in the bush. How long have I been in this stupid place anyways?'

Zipping past corners at an astonishing speed, the vampire attempted to traverse the entire concrete maze in the shortest amount of time. The images of the large cracks and bloodstains in the concrete walls of the maze began to become blurred as Marceline flew faster. The wind was racing through her raven black hair and the light of the full moon barely illuminated her dark and slim figure which at this point looked like a shadow at the speed she was going.

Flying higher, the concrete walls of the maze only raised themselves up to Marceline's position. Flying lower, Marceline continued to zip past corners and other beasts that tried in vain to lunge at her. 'Stupid animals' Marceline thought to herself.

Finally stopping at a wall with a large picture of an eye Marceline comes to a halt. The abruptness of Marceline's speed causes dust to envelope the spot at which she stands. Coughing from the dusty apparatus she suddenly found herself in while dusting off her torn skinny jeans, Marceline begins to make out something else on the wall with the image of the eye.

The wall itself was much like any other wall in the maze, save for the eye, but was somehow distinguishable among the rest. It was round and red much like Marceline's eyes but was about 100x larger in diameter than her own. In addition, there seemed to be swelling in some areas, especially where the veins consolidated, and a kind of white pus that seeped out and fell to the dirt floor of the maze before fizzing.

Marceline stared at the eye and the eye stared back at her for a good 10 seconds.

"Math this!" she said before punching the eye in its cornea

As Marceline retracted her dirtied hand, the eye immediately closed shut and the wall it was embedded in began to sink into the ground. In the empty space behind the wall was a small garden. Past the perfectly trimmed shrubs and marble benches with the inscription _voulez vous le manger_ one could see a floating ruby in the shape of a human buttocks.

Held in awe at the sight of the redness of the buttocks shaped ruby Marceline slowly approached the object. During the walk to the ruby buttocks Marceline's footsteps made loud noises characteristic of the red cowboy boots she wore. It reverberated against the stone walls surrounding the garden and may have very well alerted the other creatures of the maze as to the location the vampire queen. Noticing the noise, Marceline decided it best to simply float to the ruby.

However, as Marceline began to get closer to the ruby red posterior something strange happened to her vision. With every few feet crossed towards the object Marceline began experiencing random visions and hallucinations. At one moment an image of an old lady dying at her feet is seen, blood pooling around her neck from the fresh bite wound she sustained. The next moment Marceline's vision returns to normal but is quickly replaced by an image of teeth being dug into a male teenager's neck as he weakly whispers out the sentence _Marceline…it's me Finn…please stop_. The series of images soon becomes a swirling menagerie of inarticulate sounds and splotches of red. Her knees begin to buckle, her back arches and her hair swings around wildly as Marceline shakes her head around in a vain attempt at stopping the whole experience.

Just as an image of a giant golden owl hooting disappeared in her mind, Marceline regained her control of her thoughts. "That was weird" she said to herself. Normally Marceline's episodes of uncontrolled image synthesis and memory recollection were reserved for when she ate something green. For some reason eating the color green always gave Marceline explosive diarrhea. Of course this was not the thought that crossed Marceline's mind at the moment. Her attention was once again focused on claiming the floating ruby red butt.

"For Finn" she muttered to herself before grabbing the object.

Upon Marceline's touch the red ruby buttocks emitted what sounded like a fart and exploded. The explosion sent hundreds of minuscule ruby shards shooting towards Marceline. Caught off guard by the smell of methane, Marceline attempted to roll out of the way of the shards only to have a dozen glowing red ruby shards, each an inch long, embed themselves in Marceline's neck.

Immediately blood began to ooze from the perforations, the old fang marks and from the vampire queen's nose. After a period of 12 seconds and a few startled gasps for air Marceline was laying motionless on the ground, raven hair splayed about in every direction.

Meanwhile, at a giant treehouse…

_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_That Fionna and me,__  
><em>_Do it in my van every Sunday._

_She tells him shes in church,__  
><em>_But she doesn't go,__  
><em>_Still shes on her knees, and..._

_Scotty doens't know, oh.__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know-oh.__  
><em>_So don't tell Scotty!__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know.__  
><em>_SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!_

_Fionna says shes out shopping,__  
><em>_But shes under me and I'm not stopping._

_Cuz Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know.__  
><em>_So don't tell Scotty.__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't knoooooow...__  
><em>_DON'T TELL SCOTTY!_

_I can't believe he's so trusting,__  
><em>_While I'm right behind you thrusting._

_Fionna's got him on the phone,__  
><em>_and she's trying not to moan.__  
><em>_It's a three way call,__  
><em>_and he knows nothing.__  
><em>_NOTHING!_

_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Don't tell Scotty.__  
><em>_Cuz Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't knoooooow...__  
><em>_SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!_

_We'll put on a show, everyone will go.__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't knoooooow..._

_The, parking lot, why not?__  
><em>_It's so cool when you're on top.__  
><em>_His front lawn, in the snow.__  
><em>_Laughing so hard, cuz..._

_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know._

The lyrics boomed from a blue male humanoid creature dressed in a torn black shirt and camo shorts. A large crowd of even stranger creatures ranging from elongated rainbow colored unicorns, yellow dogs, cloud shaped people, living candies and talking bears danced on the tree top of a dance floor. In the center of the crowd was a yellow dog dressed in a tuxedo doing the robot with a female unicorn.

"Woohooooooo! This party is so crazy!" said a human wearing a white bear hat. He was the only human at the party despite the large number of creatures that seemed to represent all the biodiversity of the land. The boy didn't seem perturbed by how alone he may have looked in the crowd of colorful talking animals. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying the company of so many different beings all at once regardless of how dissimilar his own body may have been compared to the others.

"Well it has to be Finn, this is my wedding party to Lady Rainicorn!" The yellow dog in a tuxedo yelled to the human boy over the music.

"I know dude! I still can't believe it's happened. Congratulations Jake!"

_I did her on his birthday._

_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_Don't tell Scotty.__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't knoooooow..._

_Scotty will know,__  
><em>_Scotty has to know,__  
><em>_Scotty's gotta know,__  
><em>_Gonna tell Scotty,__  
><em>_Gonna tell him myself._

_Scotty has to know,__  
><em>_Scotty has to know,__  
><em>_Scotty has to,__  
><em>_Scotty has to,__  
><em>_Scotty has to go!_

"Hey how's that scratch on your arm feel?" the dog said with a slight worried expression.

"Better already!" Finn said as he wiggled his arms around like spaghetti noodles.

"Ah yeah! That's right! You're a tough hombre, you can handle anything Finn!"

"Yeah man! I'm unstoppable!" said Finn with added emphasis on the L. Although as he said his reply to Jake he made a cursory glance at he wound he sustained on his arm. It did not look serious, just three clean red lines each a foot long. Still, Finn could not help but scrunch up his face in anger at the hairy beast that had caused the injury. However, his feelings of anger were quickly replaced by happiness when he remembered that he practically degutted the wolf-like creature that had scratched him. Finn became even more happy when his favorite part of the song came up.

_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_(Don't tell Scotty)__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know,__  
><em>_(Don't tell Scotty)__  
><em>_Scotty doesn't know...__  
><em>_Scotty's gotta go!_

The whole night continued much the same way, with music blaring loudly across a flat grass plain and a starry night sky to compliment the scenery. Even when a large cinnamon bun type man thing fell from the tree and crash into the hard ground, everyone was having a good time. Although they wouldn't be having such a merry time once the sleep deprivation and nausea from the overconsumption of sweets kicked in the following morning.

Back at the maze…

'He's gonna die. Finn will die and it's all my fault.' The thought repeated itself inside Marceline's head. Despite the fact that ruby shards were jutting from her neck and burning quite painfully inside her flesh, Marceline seemed to ignore it. She lay on the dirt floor of a garden for the rest of the night between two healthy green bushes and two white marble benches.

**Disclaimers: **

**I do not own Adventure Time**

**I do not own Lustra's awesome song Scotty Doesn't Know**


	2. It's a Good Day

The sky in the land of Ooo was a beautiful sight to see at sunset. A beautiful array of yellows, oranges and especially reds seemed to blend together around a sun that was slowly receding behind lusciously green hills. It was as if one were looking directly at a set of bright molten metals being funneled away to some unknown space.

Complementing the sunset was a vast array of orange butterflies that swooned across the grass and added to the overall color scheme. They flew this way and that, not minding the gentle breeze that nudged them ever so slightly towards their destination. At the end of their journey, the butterflies would surely find numerous trees to which they could call home for the short time they had remaining. Having layed their eggs, the butterflies had only a few days to enjoy warm sunsets and even less once they reach the trees they so fervently fly towards.

But before reaching the trees, the butterflies journey would always take them past a large and ancient stone maze. And if one were born a beautiful butterfly flying over the maze at that particular moment in time, then you might have noticed the green garden at the center which contained what looked like a corpse.

The corpse was that of a woman's body but one could hardly make that assertion. The skin on the body was shriveled and wrinkled. The eyelids were equally wrinkled and closed shut over blood stained eyes. The legs were bent in reverse, the fingernails on her hand were missing and the marks on her neck indicated stab wounds.

In life she was slim, blue skinned and blessed with long raven black hair that tempted onlookers to believe that it would never loose its fluffiness. Now she had none.

As the day finally gave way to night a figure approached the corpse from one of the corners in the garden that remained shaded throughout the sunset. The figure then proceeded to kick the corpse laying before her with the tall red cowboy boots on her feet.

"Stupid girl you can't kill Marceline the vampire queen!"

'glob it…glob it…Glob it…Freaking GLOB IT! This was supposed to be a short trip to get some old piece of jewelry but nooooo it had to blow up on me. Did it have to act like a stinkbomb?' Marceline thought to herself as she took her frustration on the corpse.

'After removing like a bazillion jewel shards from my NECK and staying in this gross place for an entire night I have to stay one more night. You couldn't just believe me when I told you that butt shaped ruby farted and exploded on me could you!'

"Hmmm" Marceline said aloud

'In retrospect, maybe I could have paraphrased the scenario into a more believable one. Oh well…her blood tasted good and her hair did make a great campfire.' Delivering one last kick that dislodged the corpse's head, Marceline turned around and flew towards her cave. The fart explosion from the ruby buttocks left a residual stank on Marceline and the fact that she spent two days in a maze staining her gray tank top with blood from felling enemies didn't help.

Flying through the starry night, the vampire queen began humming a simple tune. The song she was humming her voice to was something she sang five years ago at a party once.

_You look so cute sitting in your boat_

_I wanna suck out your eyeballs_

_And RIP out your throat_

_I wanna suck out your eyeballs _

_And rip out your throat_

Marceline couldn't help but giggle at the recollection of the song, especially since it was at that same time that she had tricked Finn into being her henchman. Instantly the image of Finn swallowing a globfull of dimple plant juice and puking it back up was brought up to the forefront of her mind. At that point Marceline burst into a hysterical laugh.

Overcome with laughter, Marceline did twists, turns and spins in the air that left her hair all frazzled. With a simple movement of the head, however, her hair would snap back into place and wave in a perfect stream that would reach her knees.

"Hahaha…good times. Good times." She said to herself before passing a crumbling highway.

Reaching a cave not too far away from the highway, Marceline flew downwards and straight towards her house. The house resided within the cave next to a small lake. It was purple, had a lawn and gave the impression that a nuclear family from the 1960s with a smiling wife ready to bake apple pies was ready to greet anyone who knocked on the front door. Obviously no such lady came to greet Marceline the vampire queen as she unlocked the front door. In fact, hardly anyone greeted her in the past few years. Marceline's friends had all died during some war one thousand years ago; now all she had left of them were some pictures from when she was doing some underage drinking at a party. Even her former ghost friends, Boo boo, Georgey and Wendy, had all disappeared having completed their unfinished business in the plane of the living.

In her room, Marceline removed her clothes and undergarments before floating towards the shower. While floating towards the bathroom Marceline noticed a picture of her and Finn slaying a ketchup monster the size of her house.

'Well at least you two weenies are still alive' Marceline thought as the frown on her face gradually turned into a grin.

'Mmmmm, I wonder if weenies covered in red ketchup tasted good hehehe. Probably something like a mixture of the taste of red tomatoes and whatever Finn tastes like. Maybe I should taste Finn sometime.' She thought to herself before laughing at the absurdity of the statement.

The shower was a much a much deserved one (and filled with less thought). Once behind the shower curtains, she turned a knob and let the warm water wash away the coagulated blood that managed to cake itself on her arms. As the water turned a murky red color around her feet, Marceline eagerly scrubbed her chest, neck and armpits with soap. When soaping the area around her nipples, she took special care not to excessively scrub that area. Despite being a thousand year old plus vampire, Marceline still very much had the body of an 18 year old girl which meant always being at the height of sexual maturity. As a result, her body had a few quirks, among them being overly sensitive nipples. Moving away from this area, Marceline began to scrub her neck which retained the scars from the bite mark of the vampire that turned her. The area around the scar wasn't exactly sensitive if she touched it but she could make it that way. Marceline began scrubbing her neck harder with the bar of soap by focusing on the muscle group that the fangs had pierced. Given the amount of force she was applying to her own neck, Marceline's breathing began to quicken and irregular. She didn't dislike the sensation that overtook her as she was scrubbing her neck; it made her feel almost as if she were alive again.

Rinsing off the soap, Marceline turned off the showerhead, dried herself off and dressed herself in a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. She floated lazily to her bed and positioned herself in a sleeping position. On top of the bed, Marceline maintained floating one inch above the covers of the sheets.

Her dreams were filled with blood and guts but for Marceline the vampire queen stuff like that was normal, if not peaceful. Then Marceline's thoughts turned to Finn. The rest of Marceline's dreams weren't as peaceful as the image of a blood soaked room was to her.

At a certain treehouse…

"Hey Jake" said Finn while sitting in bed and reading his favorite book, the Enchiridion. He was dressed in his one piece red pajamas and wrapped in a number of animal furs which aided to cover his muscled biceps and his scratched left arm. Currently the scratch was of no significance to Finn. During the first few days of the injury, Finn experienced a slight throbbing sensation which came and went in the area surrounding the three red marks on his left arm. Regardless, within a short time the pain seemed to disappear of its own accord. Now the swelling was beginning to subside, the ice helped.

"Yeah Finn" Jake said after placing a strawberry ice cream into a toaster.

"Why are you wearing that that dude"

"What. Can't I be even more handsome by wearing a hat as awesome as your white bear hat?" said Jake as he turned around to face Finn.

"Of course you can man! It's just that that hat kinda looks like the one I saw in that book from before the Mushroom War"

"You mean the rat in the mat?"

"No I think it was called the Cat in the Hat"

"Oh yeah…it does. Still awesome man. I think I'll wear it at the next party we're gonna have"

"Huh? I thought we just threw one of the craziest parties we had at the treehouse. It was so crazy Cinnamon Bun fell of the roof" Finn said while wiggling his arms in the air for added emphasis.

"What is this next one for?"

"I don't know but I'm gonna invite some girls for you man"

Finn blushed upon hearing Jake's claim.

"Oh…uh…thanks man hehehe"

"No problem dude" Jake said while dancing

"Wait who are you going to invite?"

"The girl of your dreeeeeeeams." Just then Finn's face got 10x redder.

"Yes Finn, I will invite Fionna"

Finn and Jake suddenly became ominously silent. Finn was sweating and Jake was staring wide eyed at his brother. No one moved or even spoke for during the awkward moment.

"Dahahhahahahahaha! Oh man! Dude!" Finn managed to say in between attempts at grasping his stomach to alleviate the pain felt from laughing so hard. Jake laughed as well but not so hard as his red faced brother. Unlike the hysterical 18 year old boy in front of him, Jake managed to cover his mouth and relegate himself to squirting ice cream out his nose.

Author's notes

_I don't know if butterflies have the type of life cycle depicted in the story but let's assume that the creatures of Ooo have differentiated slightly from the organisms people are familiar with. _

_I would also like to say…Wunderbar! Ich kann nicht glauben, die Leute meine Geschichte gelesen!_

_Keep the reviews coming, tell me what you like (in detail preferably) about the story and I'll keep posting!_


	3. The Ruins

"Hello Finn"

"Hellooo princess" a light giggle was heard at the other end of the line.

"Are you busy today Finn?"

"Nope, why do you ask?"

"Well the Candy Kingdom is need of your service once again brave hero"

Finn hung up the phone with a loud clank.

He turned to Jake, who was eating a giant burrito at the moment, with a serious face.

"Hey Jake you know what time it is?" Finn quietly yelled

"ADVENTURE TIME!" The two said in unison before fist pounding.

In five seconds flat Finn and Jake were outside in the flat green grassy plain heading towards the Candy Kingdom. Jake was 50x the size of his usual round dog self and running on all fours while Finn rode his back; excitement plastered across their faces.

At the Candy Kingdom…

"Princess! Princes!" said a living banana man running up a flight of stairs.

"Speak guardsman" a tall pink haired woman replied from her laboratory next to the end of the stairs. She was wearing a simple white lab coat and had her hair was tied in a bun.

The banana guard resigned himself to gasping for breath before speaking properly towards the royal princess of the kingdom.

"Ahem…uh…we found one of the ancient devices you are looking for!"

Standing outside the brightly lit lab, the banana guard extended his yellow arm to reveal a large green metallic and rectangular box with numerous dials and switches.

"Very good, place the device on the bench over there"

The banana guard nodded and did as he was told before promptly leaving.

The princess made a cursory glance at the device and deduced that it was a primitive form of storing audio files.

Having exposed the wiring the posterior of the device, the princess began configuring the wires in such a way so as to make it operational again. Soon, however, the task proved to be more difficult than simply identifying the function of the device. There was dirt in places where there shouldn't have been and when the princess began to probe an unidentifiable gray colored sphere it released hundreds of tiny spiders. If the spiders scattering across the white lab bench and contaminating chemical specimens nearby weren't enough, the wires in the back of the device began shocking the princess whenever she would attempt to repair the damage done to their conductive capabilities.

After applying leather gloves and smashing all the spiders with a red and white striped mallet. The princess was finally able to make some progress in repairing the ancient device.

Just as the princess connected a blue wire to a large battery, the device came to life. The meters on the front panel began to oscillate left and right while a light came on where the words on/off were painted. A large batch of dust shot out from the dust and coated the princess in a thin layer of brown debris.

"Ugh!" The princess yelled as she walked off to a bathroom down the curved hallway outside of the laboratory.

While the princess was washing away the ancient dust that had accumulated on her face the machine inside her lab began playing some of the recordings it was storing. The voice that emanated from the device was high and had a bit of a German accent.

_Log entry 1471. Date September 2__nd__, 1945_

_Deeeeeeeear Diary_

_Another day anozer failure (static)_

_Zis time subject N3WP just (static) slightly of the flu. The Russian subject still smells like urine. Even after he was given a bath und deloused TWICE! I sink I may have killed the specimen from Mexico. His spleen is on the floor and he's not moving anymore. I can verify with the search team that the barrier is not located in the sea. _

_Dr. Max(static) vill continue no matter ze cost._

_I vonder vhat he might think of ze experiment with ze little girrrrrrl. Dahahaha hahaha haha_

_(pig squeal) Nein! Drop that! That's my spleen! Mein!_

_Log entry 1545. Date January 5__th__, 1946_

_Deeeeeear Diary_

_Last night was a good night. I found a bottle of Heperweizen to keep my mind off ze pain from ze shwelling. Even ze pus shooting from my (static) finally subsided. However this does not diminish the fact that meat made from one of ze (static)est subject's scrotum was insufficient in pacifying ze desires of (static) to (static). _

_Log entry X. Date April 10__th__, 1946_

_Deeeeeear Diary_

_It is close to ze anniversary of mein Furher's birth. To celebrate I have commemorated ze next undertaking to him. Ze Swedish subject is being prepared in the other room for ze experiment. Hopefully he will not end up with a broken mind like ze other test subjects. Oh Takeo, your nonshensical proverbs vill not be missed. Especially since I took your spleen and fed it to subject (static). Dahaha. You know diary sometimes I sink zat vork and play really do mix. _

_Log entry X. Date May 13__th__, 1946_

_Deeeeeear Diary_

_Today was a grand day. I managed to flood the basement of one of the infested safehouses with sewage. In a matter of moments the freed test subjects were drowning in a giant pool of shi(static). Now zey are all dirty…dirty! Dahaha ahahaha. _

_Oh, und apparently ze Swedish test subject was a colossal failure. Unlike earlier test subjects who ver injected with the serum containing element 115, he did not relegate himself to muttering ancient proverbs in the corner of his cage or shizer his trousers but rather became dramatically hairier. His gross skeletal muscle structure has increased tenfold and his head has, for some reason, undergone a change in length. In addition, the dentition of the subject has changed to resemble numerous canines. While the initial changes seemed promising, the subject also displays a lack of (static) and discipline when given commands. It is only by being in ze presence of some (static). Hahaha...hard to believe it all started with a (static) und ze chicken was nice!_

Finishing the statement on chicken, the machine that the princess had worked so hard to repair simply blew up in a cloud of smoke. It was at that moment that the princess managed to witness the fruit of her labor.

"Ugh!" the princess yelled

"Hey Princess Bubblegum. What's up?" Finn said as he entered the lab with a normal sized Jake.

"Gutentag Finn, your just in time to aid me in excavating a large number of artifacts dating before the Mushroom War."

"Schmowzow!" Finn said in exclamation with enlarged eyes. Princess Bubblegum couldn't stop a well formed smile from manifesting itself on her face in reaction to Finn's enthusiasm. Despite being 18 years old, Finn managed to remain the happy and brave kid he was when he was 13, or at least in Princess Bubblegum's eyes. No matter how much Finn's body may have changed to that of a slightly muscle toned male or the fact that he began to adopt a different set of social skills, he maintained his share of random displays of childlike wonder.

"Follow me please." The princess said as she walked towards the stairs.

Walking out of the giant pink castle, past baby blue houses and a yellow candy fountain Finn smiled at the vast array of colors that presented itself around him. Each edifice was a memorial to the adventures he had in the Candy Kingdom. The yellow fountain was the site of his first shower in the Candy Kingdom when he had saved all the candy citizens from a deer. The dilapidated green building in the corner of the block was the place where Finn had investigated the disappearance of 10 pounds of apples. Recollecting all these memories, Finn couldn't help but smile at the clear sky above. Finn was so encapsulated by his emotions and reminiscence that he didn't even notice that they had already reached their destination which was a mile away from the Candy Kingdom.

"Here it is. The dig site!" Princess Bubblegum exclaimed.

Snapping out of his trance, Finn stared at the confusing scene in front of him. There was a large 5 foot wide hole surrounded by a dizzying plethora of digging equipment that ranged from a candy steel winch fastened with diamond embedded candy cane screws to square machines with flashing dots that appeared as if they weren't even made of candy. Circumscribing the hole was a simple lift consisting of some ropes, a wooden platform and a candy steel frame. At each of these machines was at least 3 humanoid gum people dressed in lab coats.

"Okay guys, there seems to be a giant theater dating from before the Mushroom War buried beneath 1/8 of a mile of dirt. I'm surprised it managed to stay intact the way it is. I managed to view the exterior of the structure but we need a security team to accompany the archaeologists to handle any possible mishaps that may occur as they examine the site." Princess Bubblegum said in a polite tone.

"Of course milady. I will gladly offer myself to be a member of the security force to deal with anything that may want to bring harm the archaic dudes." Said Finn as he kneeled before the princess.

"Me too" Jake said while emulating his brother's stance with a smile.

"Thank you Finn" Princess Bubblegum said before touching his shoulder.

And with that Finn and Jake jumped onto the wooden platform and were slowly lowered into the deep abyss.

"Guards!" Princess Bubblegum yelled

"Yes your majesty!" bellowed the two dozen banana men armed with diamond tipped spears. They had been following the trio at a respectful distance since they left the gates of the Candy Kingdom.

"You know your task, follow Finn the hero's lead while the archaeologists examine the ruins!"

"Yes your majesty!" they bellowed again.


	4. The Lemon Concert

_Welcome to the jungle we've got fun and games__  
><em>_We got everything you want honey, we know the names__  
><em>_We are the people that can find whatever you may need__  
><em>_If you got the money honey we got your disease_

The lyrics boomed on the brightly lit wooden stage in front of the multitudes of happy faces from jubilant candy people, elongated unicorns and round yellow dogs. The sheer volume of the music combined with the stomping of the crowd had enough force to cause dust to fall from the ceiling of the room where a human boy and a girl with black hair were hiding.

Inside the room the scene was of a different nature. Boxes were strewn about the room as if a miniature tornado had blown in. Random assortments of objects including a dirk, a bat and a condom could be found bloody, broken or ripped. A lone red light bulb is hanging from the ceiling blinking as it illuminates two individuals standing in the corner.

Between the momentary blindness that resulted from the malfunctioning light bulb, one could see a woman with radiant black hair pressing a blonde human boy against the walls; one hand held around the boy's neck was all that was needed to keep him from moving. Staring at her victim with lustful eyes for a moment she couldn't help but grin at the position she was in. From the view of the blue eyed girl's eyes, she was the predator and he was the prey. She then proceeded to passionately kiss the boy on the mouth, tilting her head up and down all the while. Moving her body forward, she squeezed her bare breasts against the boy's equally bare chest. A girly low moan escaped her lips as she hugged her body against his. Unable to control herself any longer she removed her tongue from his mouth, placed her head above the boy's shoulder and bit into the exposed flesh. As she dug her teeth deeper into the boy's flesh his limbs began to twitch slightly. The girl was enjoying the experience of making another writhe spontaneously at the feel of having them between her teeth, especially since they were near death.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Marceline screamed as she awoke from her dream. She was breathing heavily. Her sheets were heavy with sweat. The hair on her neck was standing up.

'Another stupid dream' Marceline thought to herself.

The vampire queen noticed that she was now lying on her bed instead of floating. Disregarding the peculiarity of her sleeping position, Marceline slowly got out of bed and walked out to the window in the wall opposite her bed. She opened it and allowed the cool night breeze to engulf her already cold and sweating bodice.

Relishing the comfort that was brought about by the coldness of the air, Marceline lay her elbow on the windowsill and rested her chin on her palm. With glazed red eyes, the female vampire began to into the night sky that was visible through the distant cave entrance to her house as she let out a sigh.

Lazily gazing at the mouth of the cave, Marceline saw the entirety of the entrance to her house. Stalagmites and stalactites surrounded the circle that was the opening to the cave like pointed syringes. Each rock formation glistened with their sharp ends as if ready to pierce the arm of any bystander who had the misfortune of falling into the cave.

Unable to be comforted by the sight of her cave Marceline began to pace back and forth across her room; eyes downcast.

Still restless, Marceline made her way down to the kitchen to grab a bite. She opened the door of her white refrigerator and quickly retrieved a strawberry. Dipping one of her fangs into the fruit, the red color of the strawberry began to slowly recede into tooth. The female vampire sighed yet again and nonchalantly threw the now gray and shriveled husk into a nearby trash can only to miss.

Keeping her head in a downward position so that her hair covered her face, Marceline floated back up to her room (bumping into the walls in the process), changed her sweatpants to a pair of skinny jeans and flew out of her window towards the full moon without a word.

'I'm just a little tired and weird from consuming all that blood in the maze. I'm not in love with a guy, I'm just...trying to fix a little prank that went sour. So those creepy dreams of me and Finn kissing mean nothing.' Marceline thought to herself as she floated towards her destination.


	5. Theater des Todes

Finn was staring at the barely visible surface of the wooden platform he and Jake were standing on. With somber eyes, Finn's attention kept darting between individual cockroaches that managed to inexplicably appear and disappear as the platform passed rings of lights that illuminated the dark hole the two heroes were descending. As one of the cockroaches attempted to crawl onto Finn's left boot he violently wiggled his foot in every direction before squashing the bug with a heavy stomp. The expression on Finn's 18 year old face upon looking at the crushed remains of the cockroach was that of anger and sadness.

"Yo Finn. Why did you squash that cockroach man? It wasn't doing you any harm." Jake said as he looked into his brother's darkened eyes.

"It's nothing." Said Finn in a hushed whisper.

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that PB said she doesn't want to date you four years ago"

"No!" Finn said suddenly enamored.

"Then…what is it?"

"It's just that…being in this dark hole reminds me of dad and the last time we saw him."

"Yeah I know what you mean." Said Jake as he unconsciously adopted Finn's drooping posture

Soon the two brothers' thoughts were revolving around the very last images they had of their father alive. The last image Finn and Jake had of their father was in a holographic recording of him standing in a dark dungeon and being dragged away. While expounding on the necessity for Finn to "toughen up" two giant clawed fingers came for him from a large crack in the stone wall behind him. Pulled away from the camera, their father made one last feeble attempt at holding himself at the opening in the wall before disappearing forever into the unknown.

Twenty minutes later Finn, Jake, the banana guardsmen and 20 humanoid bubblegum archaeologists found themselves in a brightly lit lobby.

Stage lights were set up all over the huge room, almost like a film set.

"Whoa man…get a load of this place!" said Finn

Looking at the rest of the room, one would notice just how grandiloquent the room looked despite the dust and debris that littered the area. The walls encompassing the 40' x 40' room were painted in a light shade of blue; cuts exposed the bare wooden framework behind. In 10' intervals of the wall a column could be seen with a golden rectangle embedded into the structure; spiders nesting in the cracks. At either side of a large double door directly in front of the group a curved staircase made of mahogany wood leading to an upstairs hallway presented itself; ancient dust trailing lines on the railing. To the immediate right of the spot where the platform had landed in the lobby a space in the wall holding a plethora of colorful bottles with pictures of demons attacking frightened humans could be seen on display.

The archaeologists then began to spread out and examine the various bits of debris all over the floor with brushes and small shovels. Meanwhile a smaller contingent of archaeologists decided to analyze the colorful liquids located in the corner of the room. As the archaeologists searched the ruins, the guardsmen positioned themselves at the various entry points to the room.

"Everyone! This space will be called point one from now on. If anyone gets hurt or we need to leave, come here." Finn said aloud for everyone to hear. The banana guards nodded but the archaeologists seemed much to engrossed into their work to listen.

Satisfied that the guards had at least listened to what he had to say, Finn walked towards the double doors with Jake close behind.

"Ya know, Daddy-oh did say that he loved us. He knew that you were gonna do great things Finn." Jake said in a comforting tone.

"I know dude. I just wish he was here to see us and how much we've accomplished. I mean look at this place." Finn said while gesturing to the large room.

"We're probably the first people in years to see a building from before the Mushroom War." Finn said as he admired the chandelier dangling from the ceiling; its shining diamonds matching the sparkle in his eye.

"Yeah"

_BANG_

Instantly the two adventurers turned their heads around to see an archaeologist holding what looked like a hollow metal rod stuck onto a wooden stick. The end of the metal stick seemed to be smoking as it was being held in the grip of the green bubblegum humanoid's hand. At the other end of the large stick the archaeologist's finger was wrapped around a metal peg protruding from the wooden segment.

"Be careful with that man" Finn said as he stared at the archaeologist

"Okaaay" said the archaeologist with a blank expression. He was still recovering from being startled by the loud noise he had accidentally caused.

Returning their gazes to the large double doors in front of them Jake's mind suddenly struck upon an idea.

"Sooooo…you wanna see what's behind door number one" said Jake as the two adventurers stared at the white molding that surrounded the intense dark brown doors.

"I guess so" said Finn almost reluctantly

The two slowly approached the door and attempted to open it.

Only managing to cause dust to fall from above them as Jake pulled on the gold colored doorknob, Finn performed a drop kick on the double doors. The two obstinate pieces of wood flew off their hinges and into the next room to land on a dirty floor with a resounding thud.

Finn stared in awe at the sight of the crumbling auditorium. It was nothing like he had ever seen before in pre Mushroom War buildings. The air in the auditorium was dusty and gave a slight grayness to the scenery in the giant room. In the center, a large blood red carpet paved the way to the podium on the stage. To the left and right of the carpet hundreds of dusty beige seats could be seen; some crushed beneath debris. The high walls, despite their age and grime, held what used to be a gleaming yellow hue that were once made apparent by the dozen diamond chandeliers that were either on the ceiling or smashed onto the seats. Of course now the walls just looked like someone urinated on them with their faded yellow color.

After taking in the sight of the ancient auditorium, Finn and Jake smiled at each other to signal that they should conduct their own exploration of the ruins.

However, having landed on his left arm after delivering the drop kick to the doors, Finn began to experience a familiar pain creeping up his bicep which only grew in intensity. The muscles throughout his body began to tense and the veins residing in his left arm were made visible. Standing at the entrance to the auditorium for an extended period of time, Finn resolved to tend to the unbearable feeling he was beginning to experience in his arm. "I think I'll go left and explore this creepy corner" said Finn in a monotone voice while grasping his left arm.

"That's cool. I'm gonna go sniff those dirty looking flags on the wall over there. They might hold some interesting smells." Said Jake with eyes transfixed on his aromatic delights.

"You're…gross" Finn replied

"There's a lot of interesting smells in gross stuff!" Jake said defensively.

While Jake walked over to the front of the stage Finn sat down onto a pile of trash next what looked like a vending machine with the word NOG barely visible among scratch marks and dents. Groggily tilting his head upwards, Finn noticed a large knife stuck to the wall adjacent to him.

"Hey Finn! Don't those jacked up black lines on those red flags look neat!"

"Yeah but I think it would look better if we had more lights. Oh!" Finn said as he noticed a large switch labeled POWER in chalk. "And…here…we…GO!"

Immediately after Jake pulled the switch down unknown noises and movements could be heard all around them. The sound of electricity was heard above even though nothing was there save the chandeliers. Then, the large violet curtains on the stage were drawn aside to reveal hundreds of humans standing idly in black uniforms. However these humans seemed vastly different from Finn. Their faces were gaunt and gray. Their eyes held no color. Their skin was ashen and chipping away. Their arms were drooping at their sides. Suddenly, the entire group looked towards Jake with their soulless eyes and yelled an inhuman scream.

"Oh my grawd! ZOMB-" was all Jake had to say before he was tackled by hundreds of zombies as they scratched, beat and bit into the yellow dog.

'_cough, cough' _

"They're trying to peel me" said Jake while Finn sat in horror.

"I'm…Not…A…BANANA!" Instantly, Jake grew 50x times his size. For a moment, Jake had the upper hand despite the zombies that were still biting into his enlarged dog arms. He smashed a dozen zombies with his left foot; splattering bowels and black blood everywhere with each step. One zombie attempted to crawl onto the dog's huge face and punch his eye out but Jake noticed this and flicked the undead foe into the direction of Finn.

The flying zombie crashed into the audience seats and in the process nearly collided into Finn.

"Dude watch it!"

"Sorry" yelled Jake.

During Jake's momentary lapse in focus, 50 zombies gathered around each of his dog paws and simultaneously bit into them with a loud crunch.

Jake howled in pain and fell over. At that point hundreds of zombies began to engulf Jake's shrinking form and began tearing at his flesh.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay...so maybe this chapter came earlier than expected. But that's only because I want another review and because I want to get all the other stories in before ZE BLOOD!<strong>


	6. Zombies and Wolves

"Jake!" Finn screeched as he saw his brother and best friend being ripped to shreds by the hundreds of black uniformed zombies.

Ignoring the pain in his left arm, Finn quickly stood up and grabbed the large knife he spotted earlier on the wall.

'I'm not losing you Jake' he thought to himself as he tightened his grip on the knife.

Finn leapt onto the blood red carpet and ran towards the mass of zombies that had accumulated around Jake's unconscious body while simultaneously swinging the large knife left and right in a mad attempt at slaying any undead foes that stood in his way as he ran. Swinging the large knife in such a manner proved to be effective in dispatching the undead foes as Finn easily cut off the limbs of multiple enemies. With each limb cut off, the dismembered zombie would double over in pain and emit a high pitched squeal before falling face first onto the ground. Decapitating even more zombies and turning the blood red carpet a messy black, Finn blindly rushed up to the pile, punched one of the zombies attempting to bite Jake's leg onto the floor and dragged his bloodied brother out of the pile before making a run for the auditorium entrance. The zombies in the auditorium then began to give chase to the fleeing heroes while more of the monstrosities poured in from the stage area.

He jumped over a pile of trash that was inconveniently placed on the bloodied carpet and stabbed another zombie that began crawling out of another pile of trash through the head. Running past the double doors he had kicked down earlier, Finn had made it into the light drenched auditorium.

"Guardsmen! Hold off that entrance!" said Finn gesturing to the entrance with his head as he came to a stop in the middle of the lobby; his arms were busy cradling an unconscious Jake.

"Yes sir!" was the reply from four banana guards as they hurriedly marched past Finn and formed a line around the entrance of the auditorium just as the first zombie came sprinting out.

The zombie hurled himself at the extended diamond tipped spears of the banana guardsmen that defended the lobby entrance. In the flash of a second he had skewered himself through the empty hole where his nose should have been.

"Archaic dudes! Get on the platform and get the plop outta here! We'll hold them off!"

At Finn's command, all twenty humanoid bubblegum archaeologists scrambled from their work sites in the corners in the lobby and sprinted towards the wooden platform; their arms clutching the artifacts they had just excavated. With a tug of the rope, the platform began to rise and carried the archaeologists towards the hole in the ceiling that was the exit. As the group was slowly lifted to the surface they couldn't help but tremble at the groans and bloodthirsty screams that were now echoing throughout the lobby.

Finn darted his eyes left and right looking for a place to set Jake down. Finally spotting a random closet in the corner of the lobby opposite the drink station, Finn frantically ran over and kneeled down to set Jake down on a pile of old newspapers that happened to cover the floor of the small room.

"You'll be fine Jake…you have to be…for Lady and me" Finn whispered to Jake's unconscious form; his eyes fighting to hold back tears.

Silently, amidst the noise of flesh being stabbed and the cries for help from the banana guards, Finn stood up and ran out of the closet to join the fight.

"I know" Jake whispered in his absence.

Returning his attention back to the entrance to the auditorium, Finn witnessed the precarious situation in front of him. The four banana guards that lined the double doors struggled to hold back the hordes of zombies that continuously assaulted the entrance to the lobby. More and more zombies were skewering themselves on the guards' spears and soon a wall of dead bodies had formed to cover the entire entrance of the lobby. With the lobby entrance thoroughly obstructed by the dead zombies, the guards pushed themselves against the wall of rotting flesh to hold off the hundreds of attackers on the other side who were pushing and shoving one another just to have a chance at ripping the flesh off of the guards.

Finn and the rest of the banana guards rushed to the aid of the four other guards keeping the wall from toppling over and shoved their own bodies against the entrance barricade. As time wore on, however, the muscles of the hopelessly outnumbered men became strained from holding the makeshift dead body wall in place. Finn's legs began to quake from the stress of having to push themselves against the dusty floor. All of the banana guards began to sweat yellow droplets of candy perspiration in massive amounts. Thankfully the fear generated by the continued roaring screams of the hundreds of zombies that had placed themselves behind the wall aided to galvanize the banana guards into maintaining their positions.

After an agonizing twenty-five minutes, Finn finally looked back to where the platform had been before and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it had returned.

"Sir, we can't keep this up for much longer!" one of the banana guards uttered, the fatigue growing on his already sugar sweat soaked face.

"We don't have to man" Finn said in a strained voice. "That wooden platform is back, look." He nodded towards their escape. Compared to the dark corner of the room they were standing in, the area around the platform seemed like a beacon of hope that was bathed in a heavenly light.

"But sir! We'll never make it! As soon as we make a run for it those zombies will advance right through the barricade and kill us all!"

"Nah. This zombie wall can hold up long enough for us to make it over there" Finn said in a reassuring tone. "On the count of three, we _RUN_ for our lives. Got it?"

"Yes sir!" The banana guards all turned their heads towards the platform and readied themselves for their desperate last sprint.

"One…two…thre–"

An arm burst from the space between Finn and the banana guard on his left and made a grab at the 18 year old's face. Finn punched the grisly zombie limb away.

"Go go GO!" yelled Finn.

They all sprinted towards the wooden platform, kicking ancient dust behind as they did so. Finn looked back at the barricade. It was still there and managed the buy the group the minuscule amount of time needed to reach their one escape out of the lobby. Standing on the wooden platform, Finn turned his head towards a corner in the room and realized he had forgotten Jake.

"Yo! I gotta go rescue Jake. Wait right here for me."

The banana guards exchanged uneasy looks with another as Finn ran off to save his brother. Suddenly, as Finn picked up the still unconscious Jake the wooden roof of the lobby began chipping away. Everyone looked up to see what was causing the damage and witnessed yet another adversity coming their way. As pieces of wood in the roof of the lobby began to be fall off away from the outside the resulting holes revealed more zombies. They wore no clothes, save for a pair of ripped shorts, which exposed their prune-like and gray colored skin. Their heads seemed to have no eyes, ears or nose. What was left of their faces was a giant mouth brandishing hundreds of green fangs. They crawled down the walls of the lobby, jerking and twitching as they got closer to the living bodies below them.

Finn turned his body in the direction of the platform and started sprinting again to the escape platform.

One of the banana guards threw their spear at one of the new crawling zombies that had gotten too close to him and pinned the creature's head against the wall. His half naked body went limp and hung to the wall like a toy on display.

Before anyone could react, a huge explosion erupted from the body of the crawling zombie that was pinned to the wall. The entirety of the lobby was then covered in a noxious green cloud smelling of death and decay. Finn started coughing and his vision became blurry but through the fogginess he could make out the image of the banana guards rising towards the hole in the ceiling.

"We're sorry" said one of the banana guards before his face disappeared in the darkness of the tunnel.

"You butts!" Finn yelled in reply.

The room was still doused in a green mist that continued to hamper his vision but after a few seconds Finn nearly collapsed at the bleak situation he now found himself in. The barricade was beginning to fall and the uniformed zombies started making their way towards Finn. On the walls, more half naked undead bodies were crawling to the floor of the lobby. Finn cut the head off of one of the crawling zombies that had managed to reach him with his demon blood sword in his backpack and quickly shoved himself and a still unconscious Jake into the cramped confines of the closet before closing the door behind him. Inside the closet, Finn yelped at the sound of the explosion generated by the dead crawling zombie which mingled with the pain filled screams of the zombies that were caught in the blast radius.

"Oh Jake!" Finn said in a disheartened tone.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to get us out of this"

Out of breath and out of luck, Finn laid himself onto the crumpled newspapers that covered the floor and turned his head in the direction of Jake's injured body in the darkened closet. He couldn't see his brother in the darkened closet but he knew that he was there. He just didn't know if his soul was still there.

A single tear fell from his dust smeared face.

Somewhere in the night sky…

'So maybe tricking Finn into thinking that there was a ruby sword in the middle of the forbidden forest of Ooo wasn't such a great idea. No! The prank was perfect. It was his fault that he decided to go down the well and chase after that rude snail. Then he had to get all scratched up by that hairy beast at the bottom. But wait. Wasn't it my fault that Finn was in the forbidden forest of Ooo in the first place?'

Marceline discarded such thoughts as she flew through the air. The longer Marceline ruminated over what she had wrought on Finn, the more confused she began to feel. In the back of her mind, something began to irritate the vampire queen. She didn't know what the new nagging feeling was. Hope? Fear? Pride? No. Thoughts such as those were seldom felt or clearly recognized by Marceline. It took a moment for her to realize that it was guilt. Guilt over the fact that she alone had made it so that Finn was scratched and poisoned by the monster at the bottom of that well.

After shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Marceline finally spotted her destination. She slowly descended into a forest beneath her and came to a full stop in front of a large and ancient looking tree.

Despite the darkness of the night, Marceline's vampire eyes could clearly make out the image of the tree in front of her. It gave the impression of a dying patient at a hospital. The bark on the tree looked like it was about to peel itself off from old age yet somehow managed to not curl up in the strong winds. The top of the tree was nothing but a bunch of withered black and gray branches. Without their leaves, crusty branches looked like the spider veins on a goblin's skin.

Marceline kicked the front of the tree with her right red cowboy boot and waited for a reply. A large rectangular chunk of dead bark soon peeled itself off of the tree to show a bright light inside. The vampire queen stood stoic faced as a six foot tall wolf creature dressed in a lab coat stepped out of the hollow interior of the tree and onto the forest grass. The muzzle of the beast was nearly a foot long, was covered in shiny black fur and contained a mouth that bore at least two dozen pearly white fangs.

"Salutations Marceline. I take it that your endeavor to capture the red ruby was successful?" spoke the wolf creature in clear and crisp English.

Marceline let out a frustrated sigh. "No! The stupid thing blew up on me. You didn't tell me that it also farts at people!" Her mouth formed a frown and Marceline pointed her index finger at the wolf creature. "Thanks to your know-how of ruby butts, I spent the night, in a maze with shrapnel in my neck."

Ignoring her complaints, the wolf creature reached into the pocket of his lab coat and retrieved a pipe which he immediately began blowing pink bubbles out of.

"My apologies Marceline. I had no knowledge of the capabilities of the artifact aside from its potential to cure lycanthropism. Let us egress from the forest and into the why-wolf den so that we may discuss other options."

The why-wolf stepped back into the light of the tree with its reverse bent legs and climbed down a ladder while Marceline followed suit (floating instead) down the hole and into the den.


	7. An Inquiry into Lycanthropism

As Marceline floated through the halls of the Why-Wolf den she noticed how the term den was a rather inappropriate term to denote the place she saw around her. Passing marble statues of why wolves wearing togas and with index fingers pointed upwards, Marceline saw a white hallway gleaming with cleanliness. The floors were made of white stone which betrayed no hint of dust or debris. Only a few scratches from someone lazily dragging their claws against the floor could be seen. To Marceline's left and right were various rooms with entrances flanked by white marble columns. Inside each room seemed to be an auditorium type lecture room with rows of stone benches lined in front of a podium. Each consecutive row was raised higher than the last so that every member of the audience had a sufficient view of the speaker. The place exuded the grandiloquent air of academia.

In another room Marceline could see one of the why-wolf lectures in progress.

"The binary thinking of right and wrong persists in populations of sentient beings across Ooo even today and should be discouraged when contemplating on social issues"

Marceline turned her head from the crowd of why wolves clapping at the words of the why-wolf professor. She could have cared less about the concept of ethics being discussed in the lecture hall. In the thousand years that Marceline had lived, Marceline had learned that concepts of morality were insignificant if the conflicts that were presented to her simply disappeared with the passage of time.

Despite such logic, Marceline couldn't help but ruminate over the constant exceptions she had made regarding her usual response to conflicts of morality whenever the situation included Finn. For the last 4 years, Marceline had witnessed Finn grow into a slightly more mature human male who was still fun to hang around with. During that time, her relationship with the hero grew stronger with every adventure they embarked on. It was only natural then that Marceline grew to respect Finn and show him more of her humane side than she usually would to people in Ooo, even if that respect was sprinkled with an occasional hilarious prank. Perhaps she had even developed the beginnings of what some might some consider affection for the human boy? It was difficult to tell.

"Are we there yet?" Marceline cast the Why-Wolf walking in front of her a tired glare.

"Almost. You seem implacable Marceline. Pray tell as to why."

"It's kind of personal, _if you don't mind_" She said while emulating her companion's polite tone as a form of mockery.

"Then I shall acquiesce to request"

After passing what seemed like a dozen Greek themed auditoriums, Marceline and the Why-Wolf leading her stopped in front of a door at the end the end of the hallway. The Why-Wolf unlocked the door with one of his claws to reveal a simple office. The walls were lined with shelves upon shelves of literature. In the middle of the room sat three cushioned chairs, one of which stood behind a fancy looking wooden desk. The whole scene reminded Marceline of when she was still in grade school and had to go to the principal's office for punching a boy in his private parts.

"Please sit" said the Why-Wolf politely. He took his seat behind the fancy wooden desk.

Marceline floated down onto one of the cushioned chairs in front of the desk and sat with a stare directed at the Why-Wolf. Within her mind she was staring at her high school principal, with hair all over his chest, back-side and possessive of an affinity for meat. In actuality, the two were exactly the same save for the fact that one was dead and the other was blowing pink bubbles right front of her.

"You must excuse me Marceline but I have yet to consume lunch"

With that said Socrates pressed a button on his fancy desk which caused a small creature falling from a hole in the ceiling to land with a thud in front of the Why-Wolf. It was painfully small compared to Socrates and seemed to be encased in some kind of hardened exterior in the shape of a house, complete with windows, a tiled roof and a small hole for its cute and curious looking face.

"Hello housey" Socrates said before opening his mouth and letting out a huge growl

Immediately, Socrates pounced on the little housey. While his two clawed hands held the housey down the Why-Wolf began chomping on his defenseless meal. His fanged jaws bit into the tiled roof of the housey, shattered the windows and broke through the simple wooden walls with a loud crunch that was muffled by the its screaming. Down came the walls and the little housey's soft and squishy flesh oozed outwards. The Why-Wolf's fangs then maliciously ripped through the naked flesh, spilling bone and intestines all over the fancy desk. Soon the screaming subsided, leaving the gored remains of the little housey's face, or what was left of a face, in a dead stare directed at Marceline as if pleading for help. Fortunately, Marceline didn't have to witness the pitiable expression after Socrates plucked the housey's eyeballs out and began sloppily munching on them. By now Socrates' desk was littered with the bloodied remains and splattered bowels of the little housey.

"So Socrates what is your oh so genius plan to cure lycanthropism now?" Marceline said sardonically, or as close to sardonic as one could manage with vitreous humor fluid flying past one's hair.

"Oh yes…ahem…one moment" Socrates said in between swallows.

"I indeed have some knowledge of lycanthropism."

Marceline was growing impatient

"Well then." The vampire queen scowled.

"In previous research studies into ancient artifacts I've conducted, I recall the existence of a lake that could cure the specific ailment which you speak of"

Inside Marceline's head she was shouting for joy. "Well where is it?" Her voice losing any trace of sarcasm.

"I only vaguely recall its existence but I know someone with greater insight into the topic." Socrates howled up into the ceiling. It was a peculiar howl unlike the kind commonly heard from the normal wolves in Ooo.

"You howled for me professor?" said another Why-Wolf that walked into the office. Unlike Socrates, this Why-Wolf was completely naked, which is to say that he wore only his fur.

"Yes Nick, please share your knowledge of _la laga de la luna_ with our guest" Socrates gestured to Marceline.

Nick walked further into the office and took the seat adjacent to Marceline so that they all had a good view of each other.

"La laga de la luna" Nick began "Is a myth among the older creatures of Ooo." He was looking at Marceline as if she were a student at some lecture.

"Creatures such as The Lord of Evil would be intimately familiar with the tale. Anyways, legend has it that hundreds of years ago, certain human populations, which were abundant at the time, conducted numerous experiments on their own kind. Their desire to improve upon themselves through alteration of their physical self had reached new heights. As a result, the humans created numerous abominations of nature, some fulfilling their expectations and some becoming nothing but grisly reproductions of life."

Marceline was entranced. "So what happened to the humans?"

"Well most of them died off in the great Mushroom War or were teleported through time and space. I don't know. That's besides the point!"

"So la laga de la luna" Nick took a moment to recollect his thoughts by rubbing his chin.

"Let's see…hmmm…abominations…humans…why-wolf rave tomorrow…oh yeah. After creating the horrible reproductions of life, the humans needed to find a way to return their test subjects to normal. It was either that or put them down."

Marceline gulped at Nick's last sentence. The thought of putting Finn down had slightly perturbed her.

"The solution was _la laga de la luna_. A kind of bathing solution they kept in a tank underground that would rid some of the test subject's of their overall deformed appearance. The test subject would then return to…"

Marceline didn't pay attention to the rest of Nick's lecture; she was much too engrossed in her own thinking.

'So is this how it has to be? Going to a place that might not even exist or even cure Finn of his lycanthropy? Who knows. Maybe he's already gorging on Jake's guts already. Well I don't really like Jake. But Finn would be upset. Then he would get mad at me. And on top of all that…I have to bathe Finn?'

Marceline reddened at the image of her having to scrub Finn head to toe.

'I'll just let him keep his clothes on' she thought to herself.

"In summation, the only people who would have any clue as the exact location of la laga de la luna would be an ice wizard" Nick said in completion of his speech.

"Wait…did you say an ice wizard, like the ice king?" Marceline questioned Nick. Her cheeks were still a bit red from her previous thoughts.

"Yes, yes I did" Nick said frankly "But I do not know who this ice king is."

"It doesn't matter. Listen I have to go" Marceline said hastily as she floated out of her seat and into the hallway.

"Although if you ask me you should let Finn become a lycanthrope rather than chasing mere myths" Marceline stopped floating and hovered just at the doorway to the office

"I mean you get a nice coat of fur, a pack of friends eager to make your acquaintance and then there's the muscles and fangs" Nick flexed his large biceps as a demonstration for Marceline.

"What more could want" He made a big smile after making the last statement. His thirty-two fangs were gleaming in the brightly lit office.

"Hey!" Marceline shouted in anger "How do you know about Finn?"

"We have had earlier encounters with the homo-sapien" Socrates suddenly chimed in from behind his desk. He had remained quiet up until this point.

"And I may have disseminated the news regarding the recent developments of Finn's health among the Why-Wolves in the den." Socrates averted looking into Marceline's now blood red eyes. Nick began chuckling but covered his mouth with his hand.

Marceline let out a loud groan before forcibly turning herself towards the exit of the Why-Wolf den.

While floating towards the exit, Marceline could faintly hear Socrates talking to Nick. She didn't care what they had to say; she was beginning to sulk within her own thoughts again.

'Why did it have to go so wrong? Because of that nerd beast, Finn now stands a decent chance of turning into a lycanthrope and staying that way. What should I do? Take Nick's advice and kill him?' Marceline's thoughts halted for a moment as she considered the last option.

'No! He is way too good of a friend to just put down. I can't just kill a guy I practically considered my best friend for the past four years. I shouldn't even be thinking that!' She shook her head in frustration.

'At least he doesn't know yet, so maybe I should have enough time to wrap things up once I talk to the Ice King and strike a deal with him before Finn starts showing the first signs. I may even cure him without him knowing. After all, he is still a weenie.' Marceline let out a soft giggle from behind her downcast hair.

Having managed to pacify her scatterbrained thoughts Marceline felt slightly exonerated of the uneasiness she was encumbered by. Marceline now had a plan of action to halting the progression of the disease that was slowly affecting her friend.

'I should probably check on the weenie just to make sure I do have enough time' She thought to herself at the last minute.

With renewed confidence, Marceline ascended the hollowed out remains of the dead tree that was the Why-Wolf den exit only to have her hair be pulled back by someone just before reaching the night air.

She was now face flat on the dirt floor where the hallway of the Why-Wolf den started. Marceline immediately raised her head to see who had the audacity to pull on the vampire queen's hair. She was met with the sight of a Why-Wolf. It wasn't Socrates because it was completely naked, like Nick.

"You!" The new Why-Wolf pointed a clawed finger at the vampire lying on the ground.

"I have a thing or two to say to you!"

* * *

><p>Somewhere underground…<p>

Finn had been laying on the dirty pile of newspapers in the closet for two hours by now. He was disheartened at the state he and his half dead brother Jake found themselves in.

They were alone. The banana guards had abandoned them and the crowd of undead just outside the closet was growing more ravenous. They seemed to be screaming even louder and had started to propel themselves at the door of the closet. Finn knew he didn't have much time before he had to move into action.

"If we're going down then I might as well take a few of them with me!" Finn said as he grabbed his demon blood sword did an upwards stab into the air with it. He couldn't get up to do a proper hero pose; his legs were still fatigued from keeping the zombies out of the lobby.

Suddenly the uncontrolled yelling and wild banging emanating from the door ceased. The only sound coming from the door was that of a strong wind followed by three loud footsteps.

The door burst open and instantly illuminated the closet in a blinding white light.

"Hello to you all! I…am ze doctor!"

From Finn's point of view, he could vaguely make out the image of a tall man wearing a uniform similar to the ones worn by the monsters on stage could be seen towering over them. His uniform was light brown and held numerous badges and decorations in the area around the chest. Accompanying the shirt was a black cap with the same insignia on the flags in the auditorium. In his hands was a giant metallic cylinder with numerous switches, lights, and vents.

"Who?" Finn said in a weak voice

"DOCTOR…ERSKINE! Now get up before more of my minions come and try to kill you"


	8. Enter ze Doctor

Finn kept staring at the image before him.

Hundreds of dead bodies were layed all over the floor as if blown away by some powerful gust of wind. Their limbs were splayed out in ugly contortions. One zombie had his arms and legs bent the other way. Another 50 or more zombies were had their dead bodies draped over the railing of the two staircases.

Had it all been because of the one man towering before him and his strange metal cylinder?

"Vell I haven't got all day! Get up! _Schnell!_"

Finn did as the man said and stood up, albeit unsteadily.

"Vat is zat thing in ze corner of the room? Over there?" Doctor Erskine said while pointing a black gloved finger at Jake's unmoving body.

"Is zat another of my minions? Quick shtab it's spleen out and give it to me!" He yelled in a high pitched German accent while jumping up and down. He made a step towards Jake but was stopped by Finn. The white hatted boy's legs were wobbling but he managed to outstretch his arms to his sides and looked at the doctor straight in the eye.

"No! He's not one your zombies so don't hurt him. He's my brother!" Finn glared at the man who towered over him.

"Vell fine. I vill not hurt your minion flying avocado." The doctor then placed secured his giant metal cylinder to his back with the help of some straps that were wrapped around his chest.

"If he's your minion then I sink I am going to torture mein minions." He stated rather rudely.

And with that Doctor Erskine walked out of the closet and into the lobby, leaving Finn in a state of anger and confusion. 'Why does this doctor want Jake's spleen? Why does he call these zombies his minions? Does that mean he created them? And why did he call me a flying avocado?' Finn shook his head in frustration at the numerous questions that spiraled in his brain 'Math this! He's the only other person here who can help me, unlike those banana guards.'

Coming out of his thoughts, Finn realized he had been in the same standing position he was in when he stopped the doctor.

'Okay Jake is K.O. and/or dead. No, KO. Definitely KO' Finn thought reassuringly to himself 'Just have to talk to a…uh…crazy doctor guy and get his help so he can help me help get Jake out of here.'

Gradually Finn loosened the strained muscles of his limbs so that he could move and peak out the door of the closet to see where the doctor had walked off to. He instantly spotted the doctor in the middle of the lobby but was a little surprised by what he saw.

Doctor Erskine had approached one of the zombies lying in the center of the lobby and began studying the lifeless corpse. His face scrunched up when his nose inhaled the body's putrid stench. After making a few nods he slipped a survival knife out from the inside of one of his black leather boots and proceeded to repeatedly stab the zombie's belly.

"Ze blood…ze beautiful BLOOD!" Doctor Erskine yelled.

Finn was blank faced when he witnessed what the doctor was doing. Inside his mind Finn didn't know what to make of the apparently mad doctor. He didn't know whether to trust him and elicit his aid in escaping the theater or silently walk backwards away from the blood crazed doctor. After thinking long and hard, Finn decided it was best to cautiously approach the doctor.

Slowly, Finn took the first steps towards the crazed doctor. The sound of his footsteps were muffled by the sound of organs be mangled. He slowly extended his left arm towards the still stab happy doctor's crouched position and then…

"Vat do you vant FLYING AVOCADO?" Dr. Erskine had turned his head quickly around before Finn could touch his shoulder.

"Vell!" He yelled.

"I...uh"

"Vait! One moment" The doctor got up from his crouched position and began poking and prodding at Finn's furry white hat. He pressed the white fur on Finn's hat in appreciation of its texture. He smiled and played with little ears. It was then that Doctor Erskine made a startling discovery.

"You are not a flying avocado!"

"No I'm a human! Finn the human!" Finn said before he smacked the doctor's black gloved hands off of his bear ears.

"Do you know a way out of here?"

"Oh vell VHY didn't you say so?" The doctor walked away from Finn, stepping on the head of his overkilled zombie in the process, and headed off in the direction of the auditorium.

There was an awkward silence as Finn stood frozen in front of the doctor's handiwork staring at the man nonchalantly walking away.

'This guy has some serious poo brain' Finn thought to himself before realizing he had lost sight of the doctor again.

"Hey wait up!" He started running after the doctor but stopped.

'Darn it! I forgot Jake again.' Doing a complete 360 with the ankle of his foot, Finn sprinted towards the closet.

Inside the trashed room, he saw Jake still lying in a heap of newspapers, unconscious. Blood smeared the top Jake's head; his tongue was sticking out and his eyes were closed.

'At least your spleen is safe' He patted the dog's belly.

Slipping off his backpack, Finn stuffed the still unconscious Jake into the green makeshift transport unit.

"There you go buddy" Finn said as he jiggled his backpack around so that Jake would slide further in.

"You'll be safer with me"

'And from my forgetfulness' He thought to himself.

Having secured the backpack onto him again, Finn ran off into the auditorium. He found Doctor Erskine standing in the middle of the red carpet amongst the lifeless bodies of the zombies he slew only a few hours ago.

"Oh wunderbar! Look at mein minions! Zey are on ze floor und the ze ceiling und ze -"

"Listen Doctor Erskine!" Finn interrupted "But can you show me another exit to this auditorium or not? I need to help my best bud" He twisted around so the doctor could see Jake riding in his backpack.

"Vell I could offer your minion a bottle of Heperweizen" the doctor said while gesturing to a brown bottle sticking out of the fractured skull of a dead zombie. "It's been chilled to gray matter temperature" He said lightheartedly.

"Is that some kind of magical goop that will fix Jake?" said Finn, his eyes sparkling with hope.

"Nope, but it may cure his massive headache" He pointed to Jake's bloody forehead "and give him a more massive one later accompanied with vomiting und some other shide effects"

Finn was taken aback by the doctor's suggestion. "I think I'd prefer an exit."

"Okey dokey zen."

The doctor skipped over to the now empty stage and pulled on a red cord near the curtains. In doing so, a section of the curtains fell down to reveal what looked like a giant metallic and hollow sphere with a square entrance. On the top of the machine, it sported three already active tesla coils. Located on the front, above the entrance, was a light bulb that shined with a green hue.

"So this does what now?" Finn asked blandly.

Doctor Erskine faced Finn and swung his arm in a flourish as a gesture to the colossal piece of engineering.

"Zis…is…mein TIME MACHINE!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

The doctor's screaming was replied with a loud growl that emanated from the holes in the ceiling of the auditorium. It didn't sound human.

Finn slung his demon blood sword out from his back and tightened his grip on the blood red handle. He stared intently at the holes in the ceiling; his blue eyes focused on the dust that began to slowly pour out from one of them.

"Okay I sink it is time to go. Women and mad doctors first."

Xxx Somewhere underground xxx

"You! You were the one that killed my hubby Aristotle" The Why-Wolf bared her canines at the vampire queen.

"I'm sorry but do I know you" Marceline said half sarcastically. Her face was still on the dirty floor of the Why-Wolf entrance.

The Why-Wolf picked up Marceline by her hair so that her face was level with her muzzle. "My name is Melissa! And you killed my mate Aristotle for no good reason." She let go of Marceline's hair. Instead of falling face first on the dirt floor again she simply floated at the same height she was held.

"He was the sweetest and smartest and wisest and handsomest Why-Wolf in the den." Melissa said while holding her hands together and doing a twisting motion with her torso.

"We used to go on dates, have picnics and eat little houseys until you showed up one night and CHOPPED his head off." Melissa swung around and pointed her index claw at the vampire queen. "You EVIL little girl!"

Marceline casually brushed the dirt that clung to her skinny jeans. "Oh yeah. That Why-Wolf." Her lips formed a huge grin.

"That was during that crazy night when Georgey, Boo-boo and Wendy dared me slay a Why Wolf while wearing no clothes." She cackled wildly after remembering that last part.

Slowly Marceline stopped laughing out loud before an idea struck her head. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Melissa. She was eyeing Melissa up and down which caught the Why-Wolf off guard.

"You know" Marceline said slyly. "Aristotle did make a great Why-Wolf dress" Melissa gulped at Marceline's statement and took a step back from the vampire queen. "I wear it whenever I play concerts in front of Ooo royalty. I think my wardrobe could use a little freshening up. What's your waist size?"

Melissa yelped in terror and scampered off into the Why-Wolf den. Her tail was between her legs. Grinning at the effect she had on the Why-Wolf, Marceline let out another wicked cackle before flying straight out of the den and into the blackness of the forest.

Within the deeper confines of the den stood the hunched over and towering figure of the hurt Why-Wolf. Her mind was filled with anger and hatred."I'll get you one day for this Marceline, I swear it!" Melissa said to herself in between tears. She was clinging to the entrance of one of the lecture rooms. It was still being used.

"Hey look everyone" howled one of the Why-Wolf students sitting in the crowd. "It's Melissa the stupidest Why-Wolf in the den." The whole body of students in the room and even the professor turned their attention to the Why-Wolf that had just entered in the middle of the lecture. "She's crying AGAIN . Let's all point and laugh at her humiliation." The Why-Wolf students and professor erupted in laughter and all pointed their clawed fingers at Melissa.

"Stop laughing at me" Melissa screamed. She ran off into a different part of the den.


	9. Exit ze Doctor

Doctor Erskine was fidgeting with the giant metal cylinder he had slung off of his back. He kept pressing buttons slamming his fist into the different vents. Sweat dripped from his forehead and stained his brown uniform.

"Come on…come on!" he muttered to himself. "My poor little accident is coming."

By now the dust falling from the hole in the ceiling had ceased to pour and even the incessant growling had stopped. Every few minutes the doctor would look around the darkened and dilapidated auditorium, his eyes desperately searching for the monstrosity he knew was making its way to the auditorium, to him.

Finn in the meantime had decided to take position next to the doctor. He stood in a fighter's stance with both his hands wrapped tightly around his blood red demon sword. His muscles tensed in anticipation for whatever came down the hole. The stage was literally set.

The hero focused his eyes on a pile of scrap metal that he saw moving but ignored it. All that came out of it was another zombie. Its legs and right arm were severed to reveal protruding bones. Finn would've impaled the undead creature through its back but it was so slow that he diverted his attention to searching the balconies. Still nothing.

'What am I supposed to be looking for' Finn thought.

Doctor Erskine finally threw his device onto the stage floor and started kicking. At the third kick the device jolted to life.

"Yes…Now ZIS is ze POWER!" The good doctor's screams of joy were quickly extinguished when he was knocked down by what looked like a fast moving shadow. He lay on the stage floor completely unconscious.

Finn looked beside him to see the doctor incapacitated, he didn't care. In truth, he was somewhat glad that the doctor's incessant screaming had subsided. He jerked his head around to look back at the still empty scene in front of him. Then he saw it.

At first it looked like a ball of fur had landed in a pile of trash. There was a lot of noise as it rattled through scrap metal trying to find it's way out of the debris it found itself in. It seemed to be crawling behind the rows of red seats that filled the auditorium, hiding itself, waiting for the right moment to strike. Finn kept his gaze focused on the moving shadow, unfazed by the unknown monstrosity that was now observing him. A pair of gold colored eyes stared back at Finn's blue eyes until making its appearance known to Finn on the blackened red carpet.

"What the…You again?" Finn exclaimed when he could clearly see the creature.

It was wolf-like in form yet not quite; it walked on all fours but was at least twice the size of a normal wolf. Its limbs extended beyond that of normal wolves and terminated with paws bearing nails meant for slashing at throats. The deep brown fur of the wolf beast hid muscles that rippled with power. The muzzle foamed with saliva which covered canines that could crush bone and flesh in a second. Every step that it took towards the hero seemed like a claim to territory; that the seats and other half of the auditorium was his and that soon the stage and Finn would be as well. Its voracious eyes were dead set on claiming the new meat it saw before him.

As Finn observed the wolf-beast's steady advance towards him, he saw that the crawling zombie had also noticed the new foe. The zombie made a lunge for the creature with the one limb it had remaining but received a swift swipe of the paw to the head. Suddenly half of the zombie's skull and brains were missing. The useless body sank back down in its trash heap.

'Definitely not the same wolf that scratched me in the well' Finn thought as the wolf-beast hopped onto the stage. It began circling Finn, waiting to choose the appropriate moment to strike. Finn responded by keeping his body facing the wolf-beast. Then, it struck.

The wolf-beast made a lunge for Finn with one of its oversized paws but he strafed to the left and dodged the attack. Finn raised his sword into the air with both his hands and swung it down on the wolf-beast's now vulnerable head but missed as it jumped away just time. Instead of decapitating the wolf-beast, the tip of Finn's blade simply slammed into the wooden floorboards of the stage, causing flecks of wood to spray everywhere and blind the hero for a moment. The wolf-beast then took Finn's momentary sensory loss as an opportunity to pounce on Finn. It leapt through the air in a flurry of fur and snapping jaws. However, Finn anticipated the wolf-beast's plan of attack and instinctively rolled onto his back and used his legs to propel the enemy to the side just as it landed on top of him. The wolf-beast was pushed back into the air and crashed into the floor on its side.

'This is my chance' Finn thought.

In the brief time it took for the wolf-beast to get up the hero had ran up to the creature and delivered a fatal stab through the chest of the creature. His sword went straight through muscle and dense bone like it was nothing. The creature looked down at its chest and howled in pain. It tried to get up, refusing to let death claim him before having another go at Finn, but the sword had practically nailed him to the stage floor. Eventually the wolf-beast's squirming finally subsided. Finn breathed a sigh of relief as he stood over his kill.

"Okay who turned off the power?" The doctor said as he awoke from his unconscious state. His hat was on his face.

Finn walked over to the doctor who still lying on the floor and kicked the off the hat that was obscuring his vision.

"Oh! Thanks." He said before getting up. He wavered around a bit as he tried standing but eventually found his footing.

Finn stared angrily at the Doctor Erskine. "So you created that wolf-thing" Finn pointed his index finger at the corpse lying in the center of the stage without looking.

"Zat is no wolf. Zat is a human"

Finn felt the onset of tears coming from his eyes. He knew for a fact that he was the last human in all of Ooo. He had searched caverns, looked beneath bridges, chased multiple dead-end leads for evidence of the existence of living humans but in the end he would always come up empty. By now Finn had accepted it as a harsh reality he was forced to live. But now there was a crazy mad scientist who didn't even act human say something that dared to offer him false hope?

"What are you talking about? I'm the only human left in Ooo!" His voice was cracking.

"Vat are YOU talking about? Und where is zis OOOOOOOO you speak of?"

Finn looked at the doctor then at the thing that was pinned to the stage floor with his demon blood sword. His heart did somersaults when he saw that Doctor Erskine was telling the truth.

With the Finn's family heirloom sticking out its chest, the hero saw what seemed like an old human male. Patches of hair were missing from the guy's head and had a touch of gray. His skin was pale like Marceline's but showed hints of red here and there which indicated actual blood-flow. He _was _another living human that resided in Ooo. Finn was dumbstruck.

"Where's the wolf beast that I stabbed?" His voice quivered. Finn's eyes avidly searched the stage for any indication that a wolf-beast was still hiding, that he hadn't killed a human and that this wall just a sick prank.

'I'm not a murderer...I'm a...I'm a...hero?'

Gradually, Finn felt the weight of his actions.

"Oh my grawd" Finn said as he held his hand to his mouth. "I think I'm going to throw up."

And true to his word, he did.

As Finn blew chunks onto the stage floor, Doctor Erskine hummed to himself. "You know I thought I had kept my Swedish Meatballs under cryo. Oh vell...even good pieces of equipment never last forever."

Finn's puking began to mix with sobbing. Tears finally welling up in his eyes as the last bits of his lunch came drooling out of his mouth. His legs bent and he clasped his kneecaps just to steady himself. He was so distraught by the whole experience of killing another human that he didn't even notice the doctor walk into the time machine.

"Hey are you coming or vat"

Finn stood in silence, gazing through blurred eyes at how his family sword, which shown so proudly in the light of the stage, was the instrument of death for another of his kind.

"Okay see you in 1945!"

Finn heard scratching noises and felt a bright light shine on his back but ignored it.


	10. Sleepover Time

'Please be okay. Please be okay.' The phrase echoed throughout Marceline's mind as she opened one of the windows at the top of the tree-house. Lifting slim legs over a windowsill, she stealthily floated inside the room.

The light of the full moon cast odd shadows from scattered boxes

_Ugly caricatures formed only at night. _

Dust engulfed all of Finn's old possessions.

_Forgotten relics of a hero's past._

Her vampire eyes adjusted slowly to the dimly lit room and spotted a familiar couch in the corner. Marceline floated over a collection of blades to the piece of furniture and noticed a peculiar scent in the air. It was ripe with memories of flowers, fun filled escapades and a broken heart.

"Ash" She whispered to herself. Marceline grinded her teeth together and kicked the armrest.

"HELLO! FINN! JAKE!" She received no answer.

'Where are those dweebs?'

Slowly, her vampire eyes adjusted to better see in the dimly lit room and found a door. She opened it and proceeded to the other rooms in the tree-house. One by one, each room yielded nothing for the vampire queen. With each empty room, Marceline's heart sank. An overriding sense of worry and desperation began to gnaw at her senses.

Floating down the staircase, Marceline searched the first floor of the tree-house, still nothing. She stood in the middle of the kitchen. The lingering smell of meat was the only sign of life in the tree-house.

'He's not home, no one is.' She bowed her head down in sadness.

The night was unbearably warm when Marceline flew over to the tree-house. Despite the cool breeze that kept slapping at her on the trip here, it wasn't enough to keep her back from sweating. By the time Marceline flew back to Finn's sweltering bedroom the top half of her body had made her clothing sticky with perspiration.

She pushed open Finn's window to let some air in and a welcoming wave of air brushed past Marceline as it lifted her long ebony hair a few feet off the ground. Enjoying the wind brush around her sweating body, Marceline set her elbow down on the windowsill and looked longingly outside. It was a grand landscape of endless grass fields made barely visible by the blackness of the night yet blessed with the light of a full moon so as to aid onlookers behold the majestic sight. In the distance, Marceline could see a pack of wolves running wild across a few hills, their muzzles panting in the cool night air. She was tempted to run with them but remembered that it would be sunrise soon and that she didn't carry an umbrella with her.

'Is this what Finn sees every night? He's a lucky guy if he does' Marceline thought as she remembered the depressing sight that always greeted her whenever she looked outside her own bedroom window.

She turned her head around and smiled when she spotted Finn's furry bed.

'I guess I'm staying the night over at Finn's' Marceline

Marceline floated over to a dresser in the corner of the bedroom and ruffled through the menagerie of blue short sleeved shirts and jeans that Finn had taken up to wearing. Eventually she found a white tank top she could trade her sweaty one for. Looking through another drawer, she found a pair of blue shorts that Finn no longer wore. She lifted it up to her waist and was glad to see that Finn's formerly 13 year old butt was just her size. She grabbed them and floated to over to the bathroom to take a shower.

'Finn won't mind if I use some his clothes' Marceline thought as she scrubbed the sweat away in the spot between her breasts. 'And if he does then I just won't tell him I did.'

Marceline exited the bathroom in a cloud of steam and clothed in Finn's tank top and old shorts which clung to her figure perfectly. Taking the extra hot shower had made Marceline's head dizzy and her muscles loose. She lazily floated over to Finn's bed and landed clumsily on a heap of furry bliss. Rolling around in the various pelts, Marceline couldn't help but relish in the feel of soft and silky fur against skin. Her toes curled in the delightful pleasure of being surrounded by so many sheets. She giggled at how comfortable she felt in another person's bed and rubbed her face against Finn's pillow.

"He smells like the forest" Marceline whispered, intoxicated on the rich aroma that flooded her nostrils.

'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Finn loses his humanity. He'd defs be more cudly' She laughed hysterically at the thought. Tear drops fell from blood red eyes.

Marceline suddenly shot up from the bed, her good mood disappearing. Pulling her legs towards her chest, Marceline felt as if she was unclean for almost sleeping in Finn's bed. A light blush spread across her cheeks when she remembered that she had practically gotten drunk on Finn's scent.

'I'm supposed to be saving Finn from becoming some uncontrollable monster not dreaming of it and enjoying his deserted house.' She thought as her cheeks rested on her knees.

She pushed the furs resting on her lap and flew downstairs into the living room. The sight of the living room was less inviting to sleep in than the bedroom. There were breadcrumbs spread all over the floor and rug while the unmistakable smell of stale bacon invaded her nostrils. It made the vampire queen want to hurl.

'This is what I deserve'

Marceline gently laid herself on a tattered brown couch. She forced her eyes shut and tried desperately to fall asleep but couldn't; her arms kept groping for something to hold onto. Eventually she grabbed onto a powered down Beemo and hugged the sleeping game monster to her chest. As the sun rose behind the covered windows, Marceline finally lulled herself into a tear filled sleep.

* * *

><p>As always, leave a lot of reviews and I might post the next chapters faster. Leave a lot of long reviews and I'll post the next ten chapters in one day. JK :]<p>

P.S. I'm about to turn things up a notch!

P.S.S. I deleted the author's note so I should restate the disclaimer that I do not own _Welcome to the Jungle_


	11. Sweetly Dreaming Marcy

"Ow! That hurt Marcy." Finn yelped

The vampire queen shot the hero a disapproving glare. "It wouldn't hurt so much if you would stop squirming. It's bad enough we're doing this at night"

"I'll…ow…try" Finn struggled to keep his back hunched over in an almost crouching position. He was sitting on a tree stump while Marceline sat cross legged, or rather floated, behind him. She was staring at the large and fresh third degree burn that was plastered all over Finn's back. The mark extended all the way from Finn's shoulder blades to the area just above his lower back. In some areas Finn's skin was still sporting red singed swelled flesh while in other spots it was merely blackened, burnt to a crispy texture. They were the result of Finn's recent disastrous breakup with the princess of the Fire Kingdom.

"Okay, hold still now." As Marceline stared intently at one of the remaining exposed red singed areas, she was slowly extending her right arm forward. Held between her thumb and index finger was an ointment soaked bandage ready to be applied to the affected area. Finn waited in nervous anticipation for the bodily sensation that was about to overcome him. In Finn's mind, another cold piece of fabric laden with some unknown concoction was about to make contact and grace his delicate skin with a horrendous stinging.

"There that wasn't so bad now was it?" Marceline was now floating in a standing position and had her hands on her hips. Finn surreptitiously rubbed the area where the last bandage was applied and bit his lip when he felt pain shoot up into him when he pressed the ointment into his skin.

"Why didn't you go to your sugar queen PB for this? I'm not exactly a nurse." Finn sat in silence at Marceline's question, eyes directed at the tall grass at his feet. He felt as if they were all prying to get into his black boots. "I just can't go back there." Finn muttered under his breath.

"You're fifteen Finn. I'm pretty sure you can walk to the hospital in the Candy Kingdom like a big boy" Marceline said flatly. "It's not that it's…" Finn was at a loss for words. He knew full well that he could have easily asked Jake to bring him to the Candy Kingdom's hospital and receive treatment for the huge burn on his back. However, he also knew that it would mean having to see Princess Bubblegum.

"It's because Princess Bubblegum thinks I'm weird okay. Let's just leave it at that." Finn slapped the tree stump he was sitting on, receiving a bounty of splinters embedding themselves on his fingers in the process.

"Did you make an epic fail when you tried to put the moves on Bonibelle?" Marceline giggled and slapped her forehead in a show of mockery. Finn looked at the vampire queen with cold eyes as he sullenly thought of the princess. "Stop acting weird Finn." Those were the last words that Princess Bubblegum said before leaving him. Finn hadn't seen the pink princess for a year yet those few words were still ever present in his brain, like the chronic blabbering of Lumpy Space Princess on a cell phone.

Marceline looked back at the shirtless Finn who was still staring at the ground. Slowly, her giggling dissipated and she removed her hand from her forehead. "Well…at least you got a cool looking scar."

'That's such a stupid comment' Marceline thought to herself. "It looks like a giant spider monster."

Finn's face lit up at the vampire queen's comment. "Really? Jake is going to be so jealous when I show it to him. Looks like Flame Princess's burn only makes me look cooler." He got up from his sitting position and planted his left foot on the stump. "This mark makes me the toughest hero in all of Ooo" His eyes were directed skywards and his chest was puffed out to reveal the tightness of his pectoral muscles, which were barely hidden by a baby blue shirt that clung tightly to his torso.

Marceline raised her hand in the air and brought it down hard on Finn's naked back. There was a resounding slapping noise that seemed to echo all throughout Ooo. Before he knew it, Finn found himself collapsed onto the grass and doing odd twisting motions. This time Marceline couldn't help but cackle wildly into the night sky. "Your about as manly as a weenie Finn."

Eventually Finn mustered up enough strength to stand back up and cast an angry glare at Marceline.

"Cheer up Finn, even though your still a weenie…" Marceline gave him a lazy eyed smirk "your still a hero around these parts of Ooo."

Finn just stared at Marceline in complete and utter silence, eyes filled with contempt. Marceline noted the change in her friend and let out a sigh. "Marceline I have to ask you something."

"Fine. What is it hero?" Her tone was reminiscent of that of a child complaining about the chores they were assigned by some parent.

"Since I dumped Flame Princess…" Finn kept rubbing the back of his white hat. "Would you like to go to couples movie night with me?" His voice was cracking as he asked. "Of course Finn. As friends."

"Well…you see…" He was careful to avoid looking directly into Marceline's eyes. "I was hoping that we could together as a couple you know." Finn flinched after saying the word couple.

"What?" Marceline floated up close beside Finn. "You mean so that we can kiss?" she cooed into the fifteen year old boy's ear. By now Finn was completely red faced, his contempt filled eyes replaced by a look of uncertainty. It didn't help that Marceline was making kissing noises so close to Finn's face. "Should I take that as a yes?" he whispered back. Marceline raised one eyebrow and laughed shrilly into the night air.

"Finn" Marceline said while calming down from her cackling "don't you remember what I said like two years ago? I like you but…" she looked around the blades of grass beneath her as if they were going to tell her something better to say "I just don't want to date you." It was Finn's turn to sigh. He turned his back to Marceline, his gaze fixed on the half moon that had decided to make an appearance that night. "We're still friends though, right?" Finn said without turning around.

"Yes Finn, we are still friends. Just no tongue." She wagged her index finger side to side.

"What does that even mean?"

'Whoa. And I thought Finn was clueless before' Marceline grinned at the thought.

"Something you'll learn when you get a real girlfriend" she said trying to assuage Finn.

"Soooo…" Finn was facing Marceline now, eyes hinting at mischief. "Do you still wanna go to couple's movie night with me?" Marceline punched Finn's arm. "Shut up weenie"

"You shut up." Finn said before tackling Marceline to the ground, giggling as each one fought for dominance over the other. "Looks like I'm stronger than you are vampire queen" the hero said with a smirk on his face, his arms had pinned Marceline's elbows to the ground. "No you aren't!" The vampire queen retorted before using her long slender legs to grab Finn's neck and bring him down. They didn't notice that they were moving away from the top of the hill they were on and came as a surprise when they felt themselves rolling downwards.

Soon the two teens were a happy mess of tangled bodies and grass juice at the base of the hill. Tired from their little wrestling match, the pair lay flat backed against the grassy ground as they looked up at the night stars. "Hey Marcy look at those two" Finn suddenly spoke up. "Do they remind you of anyone?" He was pointing at a couple of wolf pups that were play-fighting a couple of yards away from them. One of the pups had pinned the other with their two front paws and was sloppily nipping at his neck. The pinned wolf pup was yelping but quickly recovered when he used his own two front paws to move the pup's muzzle. He dove for his opponent's exposed ear in what looked like was going to be a bite but came out as a lick.

The two teens burst into nonsensical laughter at the sight of the two wolf pups. They couldn't tell who was emulating who. Meanwhile the two wolf pups had stopped their little game and began staring at the strange pair.


	12. Promo Time

Hello to you all!

I would just like to inform anyone reading this that the next two chapters of the story will be posted next week. But just for the sake of having some promos...

random scene 1

Peppermint Butler was eyeing the tall pink girl before him. He felt like a hundred daggers were pointed directly at him given that she was glaring.

"You are the father Mr. Peppermint!"

random scene 2

She let out a loud groan as her head fell out of bed and struck the floorboards beneath.

'oh grawd, what happened last night' Marceline stroked her forehead to dull the throbbing pain.

"Finn" she moaned "Get me some STRAWBERRIES"

random scene 3

"Ya, oh my glob" LSP said while stuffing her mouth with the bag of chips "I got the deets on his status. Like oh my glob. Ya...Ya...Can we stop talking about him? Let's talk about my old hat. Do you think its too ratty to wear? I mean I know it looks good on me but I saw this really cute hat that Jake was wearing that one night and I am dying to have one"

xxx

xxx

Is Peppermint Butler a father? Marceline, did you have too much to drink? And LSP, why do want Jake's Cat in the Hat hat? Okay, I have a hat just like that but it's for special occasions only.


	13. What Happened Last Night?

Marceline groaned as she stretched her arms and legs away from her. Her eyes felt like they had been jammed shut with the crusty remnants of tears.

'oh yeah, just what I need when I wake up'

Using her hands to force her eyelids open, Marceline noticed something peculiar in her sleeping arrangements, primarily that she was lying in Finn's bed again. She gasped at the sight of her body laying in the cacophony of tangled sheets, a scene all too familiar to the vampire queen; it echoed with memories of laser lights, glow-sticks and cold beverages laced with magic potions that somehow led to waking up in a stranger's bed.

"Oh my grawd" Marceline said as she face-palmed herself, mostly out of instinct. Tired and hungry, she crawled out of the fluffy bed but underestimated the distance to the grou d and ended up falling and slamming her forehead against the wooden floorboards.

'What happened last night' Marceline thought to herself through closed eyes. She stroked her forehead to dull the throbbing pain that began to manifest itself. "Finn" she moaned "Get me some STRAWBERRIES."

Silence

She tilted her head upwards, scraping her chin in the process, and saw the emptiness of the bedroom. Judging by the appearance of the night sky through the window, Marceline had slept well past 24 hours. If it was this late into the night, then Finn and Jake would have surely been home; normally Finn didn't stay up after dark unless he was hanging out with Marceline. However, given that she had inadvertently infected Finn with lycanthropy, it looked like the vampire queen would soon be spending the rest of her days alone.

xxxFlashbackxxx

It was night time and the moonlight casted an eerie glow on the interior of Finn and Jake's tree-house. Shadows of tree branches appeared like sharpened claws on the darkened floorboards. The cold winds outside whistled and howled, causing the shadows in the rooms of the tree-house to dance.

"Hey Finn did you ever find that ruby sword?" Marceline said as she opened the door to the hero's tree-house. Inside she was greeted by the sight of an unconscious Finn lying on the wooden table in the living room, face down, mouth open and with no sign of breathing. His shirt was off to reveal an imposing burn scar on his back, but it wasn't the only thing that Marceline noticed. Scattered all over Finn's upper body were purple bruises decorated with minuscule cuts. It looked as if an infant had taken a red and purple marker and drew all over Finn's pale skin. "Whoa, what happened here?" Marceline said, her voice fighting back a chuckle.

"You know you shouldn't be laughing" came a voice from the kitchen.

Marceline made a face in the general direction of the voice. "I wasn't laughing" the vampire queen replied. She took a seat on the green couch and spotted a jar full of red twizzlers near one of the armrests. She grabbed one and stuck it into her mouth so that it jutted out like a farmer with a piece of wheat between their teeth, or in Marceline's case fangs. Meanwhile, Jake came walking out of the kitchen polishing a glass cup with a rag.

"Uh-huh…let's be serious Marceline, my bro looked like he almost got himself killed this time" Jake said as he cast a saddened glance towards Finn.

Marceline eyebrows were raised and automatically sucked the red from the piece of candy in her mouth. "Did he say what happened?" She said, her voice feigning boredom.

"No, just that he was going after the ruby sword and that he got scratched up by some really dumb why-wolf. By the looks of it, he really messed up the guy but barely made it out with his skin. Man this kid has got to be more careful. He could get killed out there without me." Jake's hands were shaking and began squeezing the rag against the glass he was holding.

"Isn't he a hero and all. He can take care of himself."

'That boy has got some guns on him.' Marceline grinned, eyes transfixed on the hero's biceps. They weren't as thick as muscle princess' but they were powerful enough to wield a sword that could carve through armored foes like a cake.

"You didn't see him when he was crawling over here Marceline." Jake's voice was beginning to rise. "He was crying the whole time he was making his way across the grasslands. Finn would have been grinded up by a giant if I hadn't been where there for him and smashed the guy's head in." The gray candy piece fell from Marceline's mouth.

"I'll be leaving Finn so that I can move in with Lady Rainicorn soon. And I'd like to know that my brother is safe and free from any bad influences." Jake said, glaring at Marceline. She turned her head, pretending to look at the jar of red candies. "Hey…when you walked in here didn't you ask about the ruby sword?"

"Yeah" Marceline frowned and crossed her legs. "What of it?"

"Finn didn't tell anyone about his quest. How did you know about it?" Marceline's mind went blank as Jake walked up to her, stopping in front of the coffee table where Finn was still laying. He was now standing across from the vampire queen, eyes boring into her faintly red eyes. "Marceline, I know you like to play tricks on people. Did you have anything to do with this?" Jake pointed an enlarged finger at Finn.

Marceline put on the straightest face she could manage. "No, of course not Jake. And I was talking about the ruby sword game that Finn was playing on Beemo." She felt as if those large dog eyes were burning a hole right through her.

Xxx End of flashback xxx

Slowly, the vampire queen dragged herself off the floor and searched the house for any sign of Finn the hero.

As she flew through the house, the same sights and smells from her first attempt at searching the house greeted her. The bathrooms were empty, the kitchen stank of meat and the living rooms were cluttered with either debris or filth that had yet to be cleaned. She threw her head back in disgust at the stench of bacon emanating from the kitchen, now rotten. 'Didn't Jake teach Finn how to clean?'

Marceline herself felt unclean for sleeping in Finn's bed after deliberately making an attempt not to. Each touch of fluffiness and warmth from the animal pelts only brought images of a rumpled male body, looking tired and inviting, next to her, groping her arm. She didn't know why such imaginings were at the forefront of her thoughts or that they made her body shudder and her back prickle with intense heat. She hated always sensing that she wasn't alone; that she always had to be on guard for someone that existed yet wasn't there, with her. Marceline's uneasiness was only exacerbated by the sensory barrage from the mess in the room.

She opened the door to the fridge, hoping to find some strawberries, but finds nothing of interest. Black fizzy soda and a burrito whose contents could only be guessed were the only edible items left. Hoping to find something red in the burrito, Marceline squished it with her thumb until a green paste began to ooze out from a corner.

"Ugh." She whispers to herself. "Guess the guys already ate everything before they left." She slammed the refrigerator door shut and opted to escape the dizzying miasma of smells in the kitchen that was beginning make herself feel dirty.

Seeing herself in the mirror didn't exactly help pacify her anxiety about being unclean when she entered the bathroom again. There were drool stains smeared on the skin beneath her lower lip. Yellowish green debris caked the edges of her eyes. On the arms, Marceline sported multiple stab scars, small, circular and always in pairs. She was drop dead gorgeous, to a coprophiliac.

She poked and prodded at one of the tiny puncture wounds that had already healed, feeling the upturned flesh, the folds of disrupted skin. "Fang marks." Marceline murmured to herself. 'I need to leave this place. Not enough shades of red to eat. Too many bad memories I can't stomach.' Her eyes were now focused on a picture of Finn and Jake next to the sink.

Xxx Another flashback xxx

'Okay Marceline you can do this. You are the vampire queen. You can tell Jake what's going to happen to Finn on the second full moon.' She thought to herself. It was night time and the air was crisp and cool but beads of sweat continued rolled down her forehead. If she had a working heart it would have been beating like a drum. She knocked three times on the old door. On the final knock, it opened with an abrupt swoosh.

"Hey Marceline what's up." A perfectly healthy looking Finn greeted. He was wearing a deep red flannel shirt and was leaning on the door frame with one leg to prop himself up, arms folded across a ripped chest. His hair had grown slightly the last time Marceline saw Finn, so much so that a small segment of lusciously blonde hair protruded from the opening of his signature hat. Even under the dim light of the moon, it shined brilliantly. A smirk played on his lips.

Marceline raised one of her eyebrows. She wasn't expecting a distraction; the appetizing red of the shirt, the large muscles that promised blood and the alluring blonde hair; they all screamed eat me, drink me. "Were you expecting me?" She asked, hands at her hips.

"Nope." The two teens exchanged paralyzed smiles at one another; Marceline couldn't make heads or tails of Finn's relaxed posture. They stared into each others eyes until the muscles around their mouths cramped from holding their awkward expressions.

"So are you going to invite me in hero boy or are you just gonna stand there looking weird?"

"Is that a rule for vampires? You can't come into a person's house without an invitation?" Finn said with a questioning look. "I've read that in a book about vampire lore."

"This is my place on loan to you guys. Remember?" Marceline shoved Finn aside and entered the tree-house living room. She didn't bother turning around to see the human boy stumbling backwards a bit but saving himself the embarrassment of falling over. "It would have been the gentlemanly thing to do" Marceline replied in a posh accent. "When you two weenies die, I'll take my digs back." Marceline's lips pursed. She immediately regretted making the statement. A pang of guilt settled in her stomach; she knew how close that date would probably come. Finn didn't seem to take the remark as much though; he was still recovering from almost falling over in front of someone.

She had to talk to Jake alone, which meant that she would have to get rid of Finn somehow. "Sooooo Finn" Marceline said in the most innocent voice she could muster, hands behind her back. "Wanna have a jam session at my place?" She was rocking on the heels of her boots.

"H to the yes!" Finn exclaimed aloud while extending his arms upwards but frowned afterwards. "Well I would but I don't know if Jake would like that. He's been uber protective of me since that whole incident." Finn rubbed the back of his furry white hat.

'Yeah sorry about that Finny.' Marceline imagined saying the words to Finn but thought against it; she wasn't going to admit her own involvement. "I think I can convince your little dog that you should to come over to my place. Just wait outside near the front door." She waved her hand towards the door as a signal of dismissal.

"Thanks Marcy, Jake should be in the bedroom playing Beemo. And tell him that he should stop pining over that scratch mark on my arm." And with that Finn somersaulted out the door.

"Will do." Marceline yelled. She flew up the ladder to the bedroom in the tree-house, knocked on the door and opened. Inside, Marceline found the still body of Jake hunched over and sitting on a small wooden crate. It was dark in the room despite the candles that sat at both sides of the yellow dog. For a moment, Marceline thought that Jake had gone to sleep in a sitting position. However, when she got closer to Jake Marceline found that he was looking at a photograph of him and Finn in front of the tree-house. The picture must have been taken years ago because Finn was still wearing blue shorts and black shoes instead of the boots and jeans he wore now.

They were both smiling.

"It was taken when Finn and I first found the tree-house." Jake said, finally breaking the silence between them. Marceline gave a start; she had been hovering next to Jake for what seemed like an agonizingly long time.

"That was around the time I decided to move in with Ash." Marceline replied in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, I know." Jake said nonchalantly.

"How can you remember or even know something like that? You weren't even there!" There was a hint of anger in Marceline's tone.

"I know because I saw the memory of it in your head when Finn and I saved you from that jerkwad." He said flatly and began scratching the surface of wooden crate.

"Oh." It was Marceline's turn to initiate an awkward silence. Jake continued staring at the photograph until he broke it with a sigh.

"Listen, I know that eight years doesn't seem like that much to you Marceline but to the living, time is finite. Every moment is precious, every birthday…every kiss." Jake gazed at a photograph of Lady Rainicorn on a dresser, it was visible in the moonlight that pooled around it. "And every smile." He said, settling his eyes on the image of him and his brother.

A hand rested itself on Jake's shoulder, it was Marceline's. "Don't forget Jake, vampires were human once too."

"Yeah." Jake plucked Marceline hand off of his shoulder and turned his head away from her so that he was facing the candle to his right. "I need to ask a favor." He silently stood up. "When I move in with Lady Rainicorn I want you to look after Finn for me when I can't be there for him."

"What?" Marceline was caught off guard by Jake's request. A few days ago he was accusing Marceline of being involved in the near maiming of Finn and now he was entrusting her with his safety? "Before you go any further I need to tell you that– "

"I'm not going to be there for my brother all the time. I realized that when I decided to move in with Lady Rainicorn and again when I saved Finn when he dragged himself all scratched and bruised up to the tree-house." Jake was still not facing Marceline. He took a few steps away from the vampire queen, ending up in front of the ladder leading to his bed. "He needs a friend that can be there for him Marceline…you hang out with him enough." He said it as if it were a reluctant confession.

'If only you knew what I did to him last time when I hung out, Jake.' Marceline stopped floating, dropping red cowboy boots onto the floor. "Finn has saved hundreds of people from monsters over the years, ask one of them to take Finn in…maybe" She bit her lip she didn't need the burden of taking care of Finn on top of curing him. "Maybe even Bonibelle or Peppermint Butler."

"He's been making more frequent trips to the candy kingdom but I don't think he likes it there." Jake's head sags as he climbs the ladder and lays himself in bed. "You're the only one that can do this." He quickly blew out the candles with stretched out lips, ridding the room of light and any hope Marceline had of telling the yellow dog of Finn's disease. She scowled, opened the bedroom window and flew out. If she hadn't made such an abrupt exit, Marceline would have noticed the word _garlic_ written in big bold letters on the wooden crate Jake was sitting on.

Xxx End of Flashback xxx

The sound of a broken window startles Marceline from her thoughts. It's quickly followed by the creaking of floorboards signaling the heavy footsteps. For a brief moment, Marceline's mind sparks with the idea of Finn finally returning from wherever he's been, that he's returned healthy and unchanged.

'He had to get back sometime' Marceline surmised. Though she did so to quell the giddiness that began spreading throughout her body.

Suddenly gazing at her own reflection, Marceline realizes she was still wearing Finn's clothing.

'Crap, crap, crap'

She makes a mad flight back into Finn's bedroom, undresses and unceremoniously dons her old clothes from last night (or the night before), still fresh with the scent of perspiration. The sensation of old vampire musk drenched fabric pressed against skin wasn't pleasant but it saved Marceline from making an impromptu explanation for showing up to the owner of a person's house and dressed in their all too fitting shorts. Giving one last look at herself in the mirror, Marceline puffed out a breath of air to ease her anxiety and flew down the hollowed out tree branch leading to the living room.

Silently, hidden amongst the shadows, she slithered across the floor until flattening her body against the green couch opposite the kitchen. 'A little surprise hello couldn't hurt Finn.' Her grin turns into a full blown smirk, all traces of her previous guilt trip receding from her expression.

Now in a low crouch, her eyes peered over the top of the couch expecting to see a tall blonde but instead focus on a silhouetted figure in the shape of a wolf standing on its hind legs. A gasp escapes Marceline's throat at her surprise but her hand cupping her mouth cuts it off halfway through. The clattering of glass bottles and unwashed dishes banging against each other ceases and for a moment Marceline's eyes run wide with the fear that she's just alerted Finn and Jake's kitchen pilferer to her presence. The feeling subsides when the unmistakable sound of crunching chips comes and assured her that the intruder had just found a snack to pacify their gut with.

"This burglar is going to be sorry they chose to steal from Finn's house" Marceline whispered, hardening her face into the epitome of malice.


	14. Sick

**Around the time Marceline arrived at Finn's house**

_Humans…Humans…Humans._

_My name is Finn. I am human. I have searched for humans all across Ooo. I killed a human. I am the last human in Ooo. _

Most of the lights from the chandeliers in the theater were beginning to dim down. The few lights that weren't losing power swayed from side to side to illuminate Finn's slumped over form every ten seconds. He was leaning against the gray and cold metal of the time machine for support, jaws clenched. He didn't mind the icy touch of the device or the fact that it made him shiver, at least it made him feel something.

His mind was numb from the aftermath of the battle; Jake was left as an unconscious pile of meat near death and swallowed in the tightness of his backpack while his family sword jutted out from the thorax of a naked human male. The only working stage light was directly above the dead man's body. It cast an eerie glow onto the corpse that contrasted with the rest of the darkened theater. Had it not been for the perpetual dripping noise made from some leaky pipe, or more likely the dripping of blood from a dead zombie in the third row of seats, one would have the impression that a play was being put on (an ostentatiously macabre one).

Only a few moments ago, the innocuous balding human lying in the center of the stage was a snarling wolf creature bent on ripping Finn to shreds. It was the stuff of nightmares, a monstrosity whose first reaction to anything living had been to mark it as its prey and tear a piece of flesh from their stomach. Not to eat, but to simply carve through victims for the sake of carving victims. Therefore, it seemed perfectly reasonable that Ooo's second known human was impaled to the center of a stage, for all to see and basking in the light of a stage.

As the hours drawled, restlessness was beginning to gnaw at Finn; he couldn't stand being the same area as his first human kill with its golden eyes frozen in a questioning look set in his direction. His uneasiness was only exacerbated by the proximity of the body to his already shivering form. Out of sheer desperation to escape the haunting scene, which took a good thirty minutes, Finn regained enough of his composure to half walk, half stumble back to the wooden platform that would surely take him back to the surface. However, halfway to the entrance of the auditorium Finn tripped on a mound of spilled entrails and fell face flat onto the blood soaked black carpet. There was coughing and wheezing as he struggled to right himself. He didn't bother yanking his precious family heirloom out from the human corpse on the stage; the discomforting sight of the dead man's limbs bent and contorted around its hairy torso stopped Finn from even glancing in his general direction.

Instead, Finn trudged away from the stage, from the sword and all the bloodshed he had caused. Bones and cauterized dead tissue gave way under with each clumsy step of his black boots. A yard away from the wooden platform, Finn noticed a banana guardsman lying dead and paused; a chunk of flesh missing from his neck was still spilling frothy sugary blood all around. Finn spat him at him, landing a good amount of saliva on opened eyes. 'Serves him right' he thought to himself before stepping onto the wooden platform.

His head felt like a dirty goldfish bowl, its water swishing around and keeping him off balance. Fortunately, Finn gave the rope tied to the wooden platform a good tug before allowing himself to nonchalantly fall over onto the rising surface beneath him.

The next few hours were a blur to Finn. One moment he saw lights of a dazzling array, the next moment gloved hands were grabbing at his arms. Inarticulate sounds reverberated around him as if he were in a domed building. Faces flashing smiles and hiding sneers clouded his vision then blackness engulfed him.

The faint aroma of antiseptic chemicals and clean smelling linens was what woke him up.

"How are you feeling Finn?" A voice spoke from above.

Finn's eyes shot open like shutters drawn from a window. The hero's pupils frantically searched the room for the source of the voice. There was a bed underneath him, curtains surrounding the bed, a sheet drawn across his lap and a pink skinned lady dressed in a lab. His hand seemed to be caught in the pink lady's grasp. She smiled warmly and brushed a strand of hair that obscured his left eye and caressing his left cheek as she did so. The gesture sets Finn sets Finn at ease, relaxing his breathing in response to the familiar sight. He gives his pink companion's hand a light squeeze.

"Finn?" The pink lady gasped. Her eyes suddenly turned towards the ceiling and drops to her knees. She pried at Finn's fingers, trying to fruitlessly relieve the pain caused by her knuckles scraping unnaturally against one another.

Finn's expression twists to one of confusion and worry. 'Why is Princess Bubblegum acting all weird? Is she having one of those monthly things Jake told me about?'

"Nurse!" Princess Bubblegum yells. Immediately the curtain surrounding the bed is yanked back as a dozen nurses rush to the Princess's aid. They apply plyers to Finn's hand and manage to wrench back a pinky. While the rabble struggled with the hand, a particularly large nurse brandishing an equally large needle arises from the crowd and inserts its pointy end into Finn's arm, the arm with the scratch.

Finn winces then howls in pain. His cries penetrate the night air and the entire candy kingdom: in an apartment 5 blocks away from the castle a candy cane man pulls away from the lips of his lover, candy corn mice scurry away from the garbage cans in the streets, banana guards sleeping in their barracks slam their heads against their bunk beds and a blue colored bubblegum woman pauses in the midst of her walk to turn her head towards the castle.


	15. Trapped

If one was bludgeoned to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat, then they would feel pain radiating off of their fractured bones and joints. Should an alcoholic find a barrel of delicious fine red wine, they would wake up the following morning with a numb face and sickening feeling in the abdomen. Were a person to be stabbed and drugged with unidentifiable chemicals then they would feel like Finn the hero as he lay on his cot.

Slowly, like a man waking up dazed and having no recollections of the last 24 hours, Finn's eyes creaked open to the bright light of dawn. The sharp jabbing pain in his arms was the first thing he noticed. Afterwards a splitting headache jarred his senses and sent him reeling. With every movement Finn made his muscles would scream out in protest. Finn closed his eyes again and kept his body rigid; hoping that if he stayed still then the pain would subside. It didn't.

Finally, he relented and thought 'nothing ventured nothing gained.' Clenching his teeth, Finn finally opened his eyes and beheld his odd environment engulfed in a haze. The haze, Finn perceived, made it difficult to clearly discern objects but not enough to reduce them to fuzzy outlines. In some respects, the haze may have been a good thing; his brain, currently being thrashed by a raging aching sensation, would have to do less work to analyze things. From what he could tell, Finn saw beautiful white mountains for a horizon, their snow capped peaks smiling back at him.

Looking downwards, he saw that two decrepit brown logs were holding him onto what felt like, and obviously smelled like, fresh clean linens. These logs appeared to be talking about park trails that could make one smelly. His hazy vision did not permit him to discern what the immediate surroundings were, only that it resembled a grassy meadow given the green floor. The scenery and smells were pleasant enough but the logs he could've done without. Finn was in enough pain and he didn't need logs crushing his ribs...or spouting nonsense. His suffering was only compounded by his butt which felt like it had gone through a meat grinder.

In order to rectify his position, Finn attempted to pull himself up and lift the logs over. There was huffing and puffing as his abdominals strained against his two opponents. By the time he had thoroughly exhausted his muscles sweat had made his forehead glisten and his hair slick. In the end, Finn's abdominal muscles, however hardened by years of sword fighting and acrobatics, simply could not move his wooden obstacles. For now, he would resign himself to resting before his next attempt at freedom.

So it came to pass, that Finn the hero, age 18, savior of the Candy Kingdom and destroyer of evil, was bested by wood.

But the giver of life is not so good as to leave Finn in his simple agony. Life is a cruel gift presented to the most random wombs. And when life is not immediately taken back, it falls to life itself to sow the seeds of suffering which for the hero starts with an angry candy person.

"den Mund halten" a furious voice boomed behind the happy mountains.

"What whose there?" Finn raised his head. "Come out and show yourself."

The mountains suddenly stirred and bent until finally they were swept away to reveal an orange bubblegum humanoid, gaunt faced and dressed in gray overcoat and trousers. His clothes gave no indication of his strength but his broad shoulders and sinewy neck said otherwise. How an angular face ended up on such a body was as much a mystery to Finn as to how he found himself trapped beneath old logs. Finn couldn't see past the bubblegum man; it was far too bright for his delicate vision. All he could see now was the pissed off bubblegum humanoid before him, clad in gray pants that bunched at his tall leather boots.

"Why am I in this meadow? Where is PB?"

'Wait…PB?'

Finn's eyes grow large as a torrent of memory comes hurdling past his vision. The theater, the zombies, the human male he impaled, the banana guards abandoning him, Princess Bubblegum on her knees as a needle is forced into Finn's arm; it all came bubbling forward like black bile out of a sick man's throat.

A smack to the head by a gloved hand brings Finn back to the present. "Princess Bubblegum is not here." The bubblegum humanoid said so close to Finn's face that he could see the sheen of his chewy skin. He yanked his head back and walked off into the space beyond the mountains which was still too bright for Finn to see into.

At his departure, Finn released the muscles of his neck and dropped his head back onto the clean linen smelling pillow.

"I hope Jake is okay?" Finn whispered to himself. The image of his bloodied dog brother flashes across his mind.

'Why isn't PB here? Where is anyone?' Finn waited with rising frustration for the answers to present themselves in his head but none came. When he called out to the gray attired bubblegum man to ask these very same questions, he didn't reply. A second call for him earned another smack to Finn's head before leaving.

The second smack, however, seemed to change the appearance of everything around him. Banished was the haziness that plagued Finn's vision and gave way to clarity of his surroundings. Gone were the shaking white mountains, their smiling faces replaced by the wrinkled fabric of a curtain. The logs that pinned his body down became worn brown leather straps secured by buckles at the center. He saw through the brightness that had obscured his vision past the curtains and recognized the other beds as evidence that he was in the hospital wing of the Candy Kingdom Castle. It put Finn somewhat at ease knowing he was someplace familiar. But he still wanted out of those accursed restraints.

"Listen, I know you must be having a bad day bubblegum guy but I didn't do anything wrong and I'm perfectly fine. So I think it's okay if you let me out." The orange candy person did not reply, nor did he decide to make a third appearance. Somewhere behind the curtain, he was probably standing there, ignoring Finn and waiting impatiently for someone else to take his job. Finn groaned, more than loud enough for the guard to hear, then pressed his head back into his pillow.

For the rest of the day, Finn lay in his bed wallowing in his helplessness. When he made a sound it was only to make more groans of dissatisfaction towards his current situation: strapped to a bed with a laconic bubblegum man for a companion. The only other sounds heard were the rapid tapping of the bubblegum man's leather boots and the slow ticking of a clock somewhere in the room. He focused his eyes on the ceiling, made of yellow candy bricks, for hours on end and felt his heartbeat match the rhythm of the clock.

"Hey, bubblegum guy, I need to use the bathroom." Silence was his answer. "Yo, if you don't let me go to the bathroom I'm gonna leave a wad under my pillow for the nurses to clean up." There was a shuffling from behind the curtains before the grumpy bubblegum man came forth and undid Finn's straps.

"Thanks man." Finn said as he rubbed the bruises on his arms and stomach where the straps had been.

"Follow me." The bubblegum man waved his wrist and Finn followed. They ended up in front of a bathroom door in the corner of the room Finn wasn't able to see from behind the curtains. Finn entered, closed the door on the bubblegum man and did his business. While washing his hands, Finn stared at his reflection in the mirror. Despite the multiple bruises and scratches he sustained over the years, his face was fair skinned and largely unblemished. He didn't know how long he had spent in the ruins of the pre-Mushroom war theater but it apparently didn't have any effect on his face, save for some eye bags he probably received from crying. He brushed his hand across his forehead and through his golden blonde hair.

"Where is my hat?"


	16. Hot Blooded

It was around midnight when the girl decided to go out for the run. Her body's muscles were itching for the sweet release that could only be made possible by running. Soon, the feeling was a clawing restlessness in the back of her mind that wouldn't allow her stay still, let alone relax in her underground home in the dark forest. She already knew what her body wanted, and her mind couldn't agree more.

"O du ljuva frihett" She says in relief. The weeds by the entrance are tall and she has to raise her legs high above them to be extra careful not to step on anything she didn't mean to. A few nights ago she had stepped on a particularly thorny weed that punctured the sole of her foot. She didn't cancel the run but she did end up hobbling back to her mom on one foot. The explanation the girl had to offer in answer to her mom's tapping foot did little to prevent the inevitable scolding. Her pouting blue eyes did not help her case either.

"If only dad was still with us. Mom would lay off my case." The girl whispers to herself; her mom's remonstrations to her 'uncaring negligence' still fresh in her mind. She clenches her teeth and wills the memory away.

By the time she steps out of the weeds and into the small clearing her leg muscles are already flexing like crazy. 'Just a little longer, then I can change.'

"Hey Lillian, you going out for a run?" a young female voice echoes from behind a tree.

"Yup" She yells back.

"Well Alberik is here with me. Would you like to come with?" The other girl asks before going into a sing songy voice to say "I know he'd want you too."

She rolls her eyes. "Thanks, but no thanks." The girl says, not making an attempt at hiding her disdain. "I've found a guy already."

"Ooooooh." The other girl steps out from behind the tree, not ten feet away, naked. Her olive skinned body was slim, lithe and full breasted, courtesy of the gifts of youth, but it was a deception of their kind. She could easily cross the distance between them in a single bound. "Give me the deets. All the deets." The sing songy girl says with a pointed finger.

"Sorry but it's a secret." She darts out of the clearing in the woods and keeps running until she reaches the edge where the grasslands start. The silk robe she was wearing was the only thing protecting her from the weeds as they smacked and scratched her along her warm up jog. Her friends wouldn't follow her. Jumping over a final bush, she hurdles herself at the grass and lays face flat against it. Then she strips it off with one good tug and is free to rub her skin against nature's gifts. True, the girl did love the way the fabric jostled against her skin, feeling as if each touch was a light kiss from a secret lover, but if she kept it on for the whole night it would just tear. A relaxed moan escapes her throat as she takes in the intoxicating aroma of grass blood. Groggily opening her dazed eyes, she can barely see the moon, half full and white as the fur of a winter rabbit. Her head is swimming with an unbridled joy that make her thoughts go wild and her lips curl into a wolfish smile.

Gradually, in a series of unsteady movements, she manages to stand on her own legs without assistance from her arms. Still, her balance wasn't willing to cooperate with her and ends up falling back down on her butt. She giggles at her own clumsiness and lets her head roll around, too happy to care about anything.

Tonight's run was going to be something special; it was to be a celebration of her discovery. On her last run she had heard the wild howl of a peculiar male of her kind. It was ripe with gut wrenching pain, of suffering and rage. She couldn't help but stop in the middle of her sprint through the old trees and search wildly for the source, worrying as to what was happening to him.

Nonetheless, beneath the layer of hurt, the girl could sense something else in the male's voice. The pitch of his voice betrayed his age, probably around eighteen years old. He sounded like he was strong too; of chiseled pectorals and rock hard abs. No scrawny male could ever hold such promise in their voice unless they had trained their vocal folds to sound that way, which was highly unlikely. Males of her kind never learned to sing. She could only guess that accompanying the male's amazing torso were equally strong arms.

In the dark forest of her people, there were plenty of males of her kind, all which were prepared to be mated to someone like her. They were closer to her home and easy enough to persuade into going out or even have sloppy make outs with in the bushes of secret deeds.

'What would a suitable bachelor be doing so far away from the den?' She thought to herself. 'Assuming he hasn't been mated yet.'

Unlike the other male members of the girl's kind, he was at least twenty five kilometers away from the dark forest. 'Was he a new wolf trying to carve out his own territory in the land, away from everyone else?' Her spine tingled with delight at the prospect. 'He sounds intriguing.' She thought as the cry died. Suddenly the sounds of the night with its crickets and noise of burrowing rodents sounded redundant and trite. She wanted to know more about this strange male and his activities.

'I'll hunt you in the day time, wolf-boy, and remember you as I tear through the wilderness.' She was laying on her back now, her chest heaving up and down, the memory of the male's howls still filling her lungs with delicious shock. The nipples on her pert breasts grew hard as a breeze brushed her from the side. The rest of her smooth olive skinned body rested in the leafy comfort of the grass, glistening in what little moonlight there was to be had. Only her back was left in the absence of grass on skin contact; her knee length shaggy black hair was in the way.

'I should slay a deer or one of those humanoids everyone is talking about and save the carcass for him as a present. All guys are more sociable once they get their meat fix.' She thinks as she gazes at the stars, their brightness reflected in the blueness of her irises. 'It would be a tribute he couldn't resist.' Her muscles tense and she clutches her stomach. The thoughts she had of the strange male of her kind disappear as a ripple of pain tore through her spine. She could feel the change coming now; she was expecting it all day, forcing back the natural urge until the right moment. Her arms tremble as her unblemished skin is shed off in chunks, leaving her even more naked than before. She laughs out loud but it turns into a low growl when her throat reshapes and her mouth extends into a muzzle not meant for human sounds. Her knees begin to buckle and her flesh bubbles until the hardening and expansion of red muscle makes it stop. This stage of the change, alone, felt like a thousand white hot coals were pressing against the surface of her body. She knows that to move would only make the pain worse, but does so anyway. The intensity of the change only makes the girl revel in it, releasing a primal desire that turns the feeling of seared insides into ecstasy. By the time her bones have stopped extending and her muscles growing, a tail with freshly wrapped muscle fibers, skin and fur is wagging behind her. The rest of her naked body is quickly swathed in a similar pelt.

Now her body resembles that of a wolf. While she is gray and furry, her body was too huge to be classified as Canis lupus. Her torso easily dwarfed a normal wolf's body four times over. The muscles in her legs sizzled with sinewy power and would allow her to outrun any regular wolf any time of the day.

The ends of her hands do not resemble hands at all, but huge padded paws with claws to match. Her ears and nose seem different as well; she can hear the birds sleeping in their nests, smell the raw stench of steaming dung next to a tree and the unmistakable musk of nearby woodland creatures ready to be eaten. The mix of odors was like a complicated fine wine that she happily drank in, leaving her dizzy with euphoria, then releases it back out. She paws at the ground, getting a feel for her new sleek and powerful body before madly running through the grasslands, drunk on her own adrenaline rush.

The smells and sights of a few seconds ago are still there but that is not what she is concentrating on. The wind roars in her elongated ears as her mouth hangs open, panting from the exertion of her muscles. Already, the girl has passed the familiar lone tree in the middle of the grasslands and her back legs and beginning to cramp. She looks up at the sky and all thoughts of exhaustion are banished from her mind. She lets loose a howl of pleasure at the sight of the moon. Soon she is racing past random hills, glances at passing regular wolves and whizzing past a field of ice and snow. The blood is singing in her veins.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note<strong>

_I am very proud of this first OC of mine. Oh the terrible things this girl will do to Finn if she finds him. Sorry Finny but you're life is gonna go to shi(static)._

_P.S. If you cannot translate the phrase O du ljuva frihett I'll write it in the next chapter._


	17. On a Sunday Mornin'

Finn stood in front of the mirror, transfixed on the austere image he saw before him. He saw in it an 18 year old boy with recently washed golden blonde hair and sizzling muscles. Most people would have been content with viewing themselves in this manner and, indeed, Finn did find the sight comforting on most mornings in the bathroom.

However, in the absence of his furry white bear hat that covered his head and neck Finn felt a gnawing sensation creeping at the back of his naked head, similar to the one felt when a man finds out he has shown up to a meeting of esteemed dignitaries with nothing on but his underpants.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed in defeat at his missing headgear. "I guess some things have to change." Finn said, his expression as pensive and unchanged as before he made the statement.

Many citizens of Ooo have been saved by Finn the hero at least once in their lives and on the off occasion he had to remove his signature hat in the presence of the recently rescued victim, they made it a point to comment on how he could look more heroic, or more proper, without it. Last week, after saving a caravan of fire kingdom merchants from a water spewing hydra, Finn was berated for _putting out his hot head_ with the white fabric.

"Why do you place this water elemental garb atop your head? You threaten to ut out your flame if it is not adequately ventilated." Finn simply stared back at the flame merchant dressed in his obsidian outerwear, completely confused until said merchant pointed a bright finger towards the blonde hair that cascaded down his shoulders.

"Oh…uh…that's not a flame, that's just my hair."

The flaming horizontal lines that Finn took for the merchant's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Huh…well…imagine that." He shrugged. "Such lively hair should not be bound. It would surely garner the attention of more than a few fair ladies in the fire kingdom. Mayhaps even a princess." The merchant winked and lightly nudged Finn.

The skin on Finn's back prickled with memories of the Flame Princess. He shook his head free of that chapter of his life and willed his mind to the present by revisiting the scene around him. The bathroom had suffered much damage in the last 15 minutes, the result of a boy's desperate attempt at finding his most cherished article of clothing.

The garbage can next to the sink was on its side, spilling its dubious contents onto the floor (there was more brown than white cloth). Meanwhile, the lid for the toilet's tank was removed aleft in shattered pieces in the corner. It was a wonder that the sink and mirror in the room were left unscathed, then again they couldn't have possibly hidden anything.

Finn's tired eyes scanned the rest of the room behind him but was met with the same sight he saw there last time: a showerhead sprouting out from the wall, a drain and a savaged curtain ripped off its rings. He blew a lock of blonde hair out of his eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time. The stress of being confined in the hospital room and not allowed to see anyone was beginning to deeply perturb Finn.

"Hey what is going on in there. You've spent enough time making Scheiße in there. Get out here now!" The Bubblegum man smashed his fist into the door to emphasize his words. "Schnell!"

Finn though it odd that the Bubblegum man would continue to say the word snail improperly. It made understanding his commands all the more confusing. 'Well there's nothing for me here. Might as well spend some time with my orange bud.' He turned towards the door of the bathroom, still being pounded on by the bubblegum man on the other side, and slowly reached for the handle.

He was greeted with the sight of more than just the angry bubblegum man. Another bubblegum man wearing the same outfit as the first. He stood next to his companion but with noticeably less malice in his eyes. There was even a hint of a smile. Behind the two bubblegum men stood four ice cream nurses dressed in starch white coats.

Memories of the painful shot he received earlier took hold of Finn. He involuntarily clenched his jaw.

"Hello there." Said the newest bubblegum man in a strange accent. His hello sounded more akin to saying _hah low _as if it were one word. "How was your trip to the bathroom?"

"Fine." Finn spat out as he stole a cursory glance at the nurses. Their eyes seemed to be randomly focusing on every object in the room except for the three men in front of them.

Finn turned to face the blue bubblegum man. "Can I leave this room and check on my friend Jake? He was in a really beat up shape when we got out of the archaic site." Finn hoped that the new bubblegum man in front of him would be more sympathetic to his plight than the orange one.

"Ya, ya. You will see your dog in a short while." The blue bubblegum man smirked at his orange partner. "But before that can happen." The smirk on his gaunt face grew larger still. "You have to take your medicine." From behind his back, the blue bubblegum man produced a plastic cup. Finn looked down and saw its red and black liquid contents.

"It smells awful." He pinched his nose. "I don't have to drink that right now, do I? I mean I don't feel sick. Can't I drink that stuff when we get to Jake?"

"Sorry. Doctor's orders."

'I hope he means Doctor Princess.' He hesitated before taking the cup with it's odious fluids. His stomach clenched when the vapors emanating from the cup entered his nostrils. "I'll get to see Jake right after I drink this?"

"You have my solemn vow." And the blue bubblegum man lifted his hand.

Finn did not feel comfortable accepting the drink from the blue bubblegum man. Even less so with the nurses around. For a moment, Finn thought of ditching the lot of them and making a break for the door. His eyes took a second look at where everyone was positioned. It wasn't very assuring.

The nurses were standing at the entrance to the hospital room. If Finn managed to avoid the grabbing hands of the bubblegum men then he would have to contend with the nurses and possible injection with another sedative. The two bubblegum men were an entirely different story. Finn knew that the orange bubblegum was strong and, by the looks of their gray uniforms, trained. The blue bubblegum man was skinny and not as strong as his partner but he was also unpredictable.

Finn considered splashing the delightful beverage in the bubblegum men's faces to buy him some time but thought better of it. "You nurses can leave. I think our boy is strong enough to make it on his own to his dog's room once he takes his medicine." The blue bubblegum man winked. "I realize you've had a tough time in the hospital, especially with the nurses."

Finn blinked in response. "Thanks." He said, unsure if it was the correct thing to say or not. 'I guess he's not out to get me.' The expression on the orange bubblegum man made his train of thought falter.

"And don't mind my friend here, es tut mir leid." The blue bubblegum man said under his breath so that only he and Finn would hear. "He's had a very bad day."

Finn chuckled slightly. "Yeah, we all do sometimes." He took a sip of the medicine. It tasted bitter with an overpowering note of cherries. "It taste's a little offs." Finn's legs begin to loosen. "Hey what's hapsinin?"

The blue bubblegum man grabbed Finn by the arms as the boy's body began to slump forward. "You're going to see Jake soon."

"You bluh skin bu."

What he meant to say was _you blue skinned butt_.

**Somewhere in some very tall weeds in the Grasslands**

"Ah geez." The girl moaned as she stretched out her tired limbs; trying to work out the kinks in her joints after sleeping in her unorthodox bed. She ran at night very often and to find herself in some new or unexpected part of the land was nothing new. On this occasion, her last conscious moments were spent dragging herself onto a particularly itchy patch of weeds. The stalks were dry and armed with brittle leaves that dug into her skin every time she moved. The fact that she was naked, again normal, exacerbated her discomfort. Should her mother have seen her, she would have lectured her on how it was important to stay close to her kind's territory when going out; that no matter how exciting it was to venture out into the wilderness, she should be safe. "You could run into one of those strange creatures out there Lillian. Just you wait, you'll run into a grass ogre and then you'll be sorry." But what is safety when one feels so satisfied? The night excited Lillian with promises of chases and release. In the simple act of running, the annoyances of the day entered oblivion as her body took over and brought her nothing but pleasure through power of movement. The delectable soreness vibrating throughout her spent muscles testified to that notion.

She continued her morning ritual of stretching, rolling around in her slightly tolerable sleeping accommodations and voicing out her contentedness at being able to move. Her back arched and she pulled her head back. A gentle heat bubbled up from her neck and lower back to soothe the exhaustion away. Then she sat up, legs straight, and extended her fingertips to her impossibly far away toes. "So damn good." She squeaked. Her body thrashed about. It was not necessary to perform this last part but simple instinct, as if to halt her body's jubilation from stretching.

"Whoa. Looks like someone had a good night's rest." Lillian froze, She twisted her head wildly around but was unable to locate the source of the voice. Judging by the sound, it had come from someone whom Lillian did not have the patience to put up with so early in the morning. "Who's there? Who said that!" There was a rustling of leaves to the left of her. Her muscles tensed as she took on a fighting stance, ready to tackle the day's first unpleasantries.

"Relax. I come in peace." Said the voice, four octaves lower than it was formerly. In a moment the owner of the voice popped out of the curtain of weeds; a girl around Lillian's age. "Honestly, if you didn't sleep outside like this so often, you wouldn't be so serious in the morning." She was tall with hair was as brown as the weeds around her.

Lillian relaxed her shoulders and unclenched her fists. For a moment, she thought she might have to punch someone's eyes closed. Another disadvantage to sleeping in the nude outside the village was attracting the occasional peeping Tom. She had learned to hide herself better with each passing night but her efforts weren't enough to deter the most emboldened males of her kind.

"Good morning Britta." Lillian replied. She dusted off the itchy plant matter on her legs. "Is the coast clear to go back home?"

"Yep. But only because everyone else is at church."

"Cool." Lillian eyed the brown burlap sack in Britta's right hand. "But I'm guessing you didn't come all this way just to tell me that bit of info."

"Of course. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't help out my bästa vän?"

Lillian snatched the bag out of Britta's hand and inspected her choice of clothing. "Is this really what you have in mind for your bästa vän?" She raised an eyebrow at the other girl.

"What we're going to church. This way you won't have to go back to the house." Lillian flung a gray woolen sweater to the ground. "And this way I please your mother."

"So you and my mom are friends now."

"No!" Britta waved her arms around in defense. "She cornered me when I was grabbing some clothes for you out of your dresser and asked that I deliver these."

'More like demanded.' Lillian thought as she lifted what looked like a triangle of cloth connected to two strings out of the sack. "And I suppose a thong was her choice as well." She laughed aloud. Of all the things that Lillian's mother was capable of, recommending salacious undergarments was not one of them.

"Actually, that was Edvard's idea." The laughter that had overcome Lillian quickly vanished.

"Don't worry your pretty little head." Britta said whilst patting Lillian on the shoulder. "I'm pretty sure I lost him trying to find you."

"Well there's a load off my back." Lillian said tiredly; the apprehensive gaze never leaving her face.

"You know you should really think about getting it on with one of the guys. It would make your life way easier. In the sense that this..." she gestures to the thong. "Will have to answer to your maja."

"Can we not talk about that. You already know my usual answer."

"Fine. Let's head off to church then." She says with a bored glance towards Lillian as she walked right past her. "Sorry but Edvard took the bra."

"He can go olla it for all I care. He's a sick pervert that needs to be put on a leash."

The church was little more than an enlarged chapel; hardly capable of accommodating the sizable attendance of this particular Sunday. There were two dozen pews filled to bursting with people of Lillian's kind. They created two rows that faced the priest who stood at the front.

The walls encompassing the place of worship were made of a dark brown wood. It was polished in most places and lended an admirable shine to the surface. In other places dust seemed to have joined the afternoon congregation. The brass ornaments festooned upon the ledges, however, deterred most people from concentrating on the faults of the place.

Everytime Lillian came to the Sunday mass gathering, she imagined the interior of a fancy septic tank. The stuffiness and the mixing of odors reminiscent of wet dog in the place could certain attest to that.

"In the name of the Doctor, the patient and blind luck." The priest finally spoke up from beneath the plethora of robes that engulfed his body. The church attendants in turn pointed to three spots on their body to make an X. "Amen." They said in unison.

"Let us confess our faith." The priest bowed his head down so that his chin was touching the fabric of his overstuffed chest. At that the congregation rose with their heads bowed and hands held. "We believe in the doctor, the giver of life, death and our very essence. While he tortured many, he gifted others with the wolf gift. The first and last patient Alexander Skaarsgard." The priest pauses to scan the crowd of bowed heads and smiles at the afternooon's turnout. His eyes veer over to linger at a certain corner of the chapel where a girl with knee length black hair sat. The smile on the priest's face grows wider, Lillian shivers in disgust.

"He was sent by the doctor to frolick in the world, only to be persecuted and ridiculed by his peers. On the third day Alexander arose from his home to claim a mate."

"We believe in the transfiguration of teh body, the holy days of the hunt, the forgiveness of sins and that one day the doctor may come again to bestow upon us another great gift." There is a moment of silence in the mass because it was only proper that they do so before the final part of the prayer.

The priest's hand suddenly gesticulates to a painting of a human, cross-eyed, wearing black combat boots and looking as if he was in the middle of doing a jig. "Den flygande avokado!"

The organist sitting on his bench, five feet behind the priest, is roused from his sleep after hearing his cue. He begins to play a holy hymn about how a good doctor spared the lives of many people while extinguishing a great deal more. The crowd joined along in singing and soon the priest followed suit. The pipes of the organist's instrument bellowed its puffs of sound in their familiar gothic style while the rest of teh congregation spewed from their mouths the holy hymn. Their voices polluted the air and rang out to the rest of the underground facility, seeping into every room until it clogged the ears of every sinner who did not attend church (notwithstanding the janitor Scruffy who was exempted from attending because he had already went to mass earlier in the day). A pity none of them could sing, let alone hold a note for five seconds. Again, it was a flaw of Lillian's kind. Though some would dispute that fact.

On went the mass with the hymns and the prayers. Sometimes the congregation stood and other times they sat down. Lillian simply sat down throughout the whole event. She sniffed at the air (a bad habit she had developed when bored) and caught the faint aroma of someone defecating next to her.

"Alex make brod." Said a small chubby figure in the space immediately adjacent to Lillian's leg.

"Mom." Lillian quietly yells. "I think little Alex needs to be changed."

A middle aged woman opposite the chubby figure glares at her. "Then you must go and change your baby brother. You haven't done it enough times." She scolded. She had the same blue eyes as Lillian.

"Now, now mother." Her voice taking on a sickly sweet tone. "You know I love my baby brother very much but after what transpired the last time I attempted to extricate the diaper from his posterior..."

"Enough." The woman, whom we will assume is Lillian's mother, viciously whispers. "If your not going to do it then I will." She picked up the baby referred to as Alex and shuffled through the cramped pews. There were muffled groans as she bumped into people's knees.

Lillian hummed her satisfaction at the sight of her mother's retreating figure off to perform one of her parental duties. "How easy it is to manipulate an irate mother into doing one's bidding.' She struggled to hide her smirk. 'I should talk like this more often.'

The rest of the mass continued in much this way; Lillian letting her thoughts wander as the priest droned on about the good doctor. The sermon was little more than an exaltation of the doctor's sacred garb: sparkling badges of honor and black boots that were never sullied during his sometimes grisly work.

Once or twice, Lillian found her self falling asleep. However any prospects of having a midday nap evaporated when the priest entered the last stage of the mass. "Den flygande avokado!" The priest shouted again, much to the annoyance of Lillian's tired eyes. He then proceeded to throw slightly overripened avocados at the now fully awake faces of the crowd. Most of the church attendants managed to grab the fruit as it came sailing towards their heads but some, the elderly, were not quick or coherent enough to avoid being pelted in the face. "Go in peace to hunt and serve the good doctor." The priest turned away from his flock and left the stage through a rear entrance to the chapel. At the same time, the congregation took their leave of the chapel via the double doors of the main entrance. When the chapel was emptied of the faithful, Lillian stood up groggily, stretched her stiff arms upwards and let out a big belch that echoed off the walls.

"This place needs drapes." She chucked the remains of her eaten avocado onto the stage where the priest stood only ten minutes ago. It was a ritual just like the weekly ritual of mass every Sunday that she adopted to make the day more fun overall. Lillian was never against the idea of religion and bore no ill will towards the clergy, even if this particular priest kept leering over her legs whenever she stood up. In a way, Lillian thought, the act was a form of retribution for such a crappy day. Following in the footsteps of the crowd out the main entrance, Lillian mutters under her breath "what a load of skitta" and walks down the deserted path to her house.

**The Candy Kingdom**

Finn was laying in his bed sound asleep. He slept the sleep of the dead. So serene and complete was his sleep that when the moaning and screaming of another patient recovering from a fall reached his room he hardly stirred. It was night time again, which only added to the peacefulness of the environment. The open window exposed him to the crisp clean air and the gentle song of the Candy Kingdom's evening activities. The incoming breeze provided a much needed reprieve of freshness from the various odors of cleaning solutions used by the hospital wing of the castle. Meanwhile the conversations and tradings of the candy citizens became nothing but a lulling background noise.

At the entrance to the hospital room two bubblegum men could be heard pleasantly chatting away. "A bet is a bet Johann and I've won fair and square."

"No you cheated. You had to use your fists, not your silver tongue and poison. We didn't agree on that."

"Leck mich am Arsch, you still owe me from last time anyway. If you don't pay me for this than pay for all our forays to the fire kingdom."

"You cheated there too. Du hast den Arsch offen! You knew what Amsel Chocoisette was planning before you made the deal."

"Ah, but once agreed upon and won, you must pay the price. No matter how absurd the circumstances."

Johann balled his fists and breathed in the cool palliative air. The other bubblegum man not known as Johann put on his most charming smile. "Tsk tsk Johann. Remember what happens with that temper of yours. You do not want to wake up our little boy." He nodded in the direction of Finn.

"Oh please." He waved his hand. "You shoved enough of your concoction down his throat to put a dragon in a coma. For all we now he could overdose and die in his bed." Johann's tone of voice shook with fear. "Do you know what they will do to us if that happens? You'll end up just like the Banana guards."

"For Gob's sake he's not going to die. He'll sleep it off. Now pay me the money you owe or those Banana guards won't be the only ones in trouble. I'll say this was all your idea. This concoction in his body that almost killed him. I'm not even supposed to be here. Matter of fact, why don't I tell the unterscharfuhrer about what I happen-."

"What are you two talking about." A female voice interrupted. Out of the end of the hallway came Princess Bubblegum. The expression she wore on her face spoke of trouble.

"Nothing your majesty. We were just-"

"Save it." Princess Bubblegum said gruffly. "I want two Banana guards to take over for you guys."

"But your majesty...our shift doesn't end for another four hours."

"This wasn't a request. It was a command." Princess Bubblegum said more firmly. "Alert the captain of the guard and have two of his men posted here. NOW."

"Yes your majesty." He winced and walked towards the end of the hall where the stairs were. Johann followed suit. "Um would it be wise for her majesty to stay with the patient?"

"I'll be fine." She walked swiftly and quietly to Finn's bedside took in his face. She hadn't bothered to flip the light switch. The end result being the only illumination given to the princess was the weak light of the moon. She could barely make out the medication still wet on Finn's lips. "I'm sorry Finn. For all of this." She pecked Finn's cheek with a quick kiss goodnight and woozily walked back to her room. Her show of affection had come a little too close to the corner of Finn's mouth.

* * *

><p>Author's note:<p>

If your a Roman Catholic who speaks German, like me, you would be laughing your butt off. For the other readers, this is nothing but another strange day in the land of Ooo.

Swedish translations

maja = awesome boyfriend

basta van = best friend

Den flygande avokad = the flying avocado

skita = shit


	18. Deutsch

'Quarter turn to 4th screw on panel 8 and the amplifier should be completed.' Having firmly secured the panel onto side B of the ancient sound equipment, Princess Bubblegum finally mopped away the sweat gathering on her forehead. It had taken hours to restore the recording device excavated from the other dig sit sites. Thankfully, the other components to the ancient sound equipment, the sound system, were easier to assemble.

Technology such as the recording device Princess Bubblegum had sitting next to her on the heavy duty workshop table hadn't been seen in centuries. The land of Ooo was redolent with the remains of pre-Mushroom war machines but their sophistication far outweighed that of the specimen she had set out to restore. There were no circuit boards in the recording device, or at least none that she had ever seen before. The computers that the Candy Kingdom had implemented utilized thousands upon thousands of circuit boards and a menagerie of plastic and candy made products. The recording device contained a crude paper-like substance which, upon further chemical analysis, Princess Bubblegum had deduced was the source of the audio files.

After hours of tinkering and the addition of newer sound output devices affixed to the old recording device, Princess Bubblegum could press the button marked _abspielen_ without being troubled by the possibility of an explosion (much like the last time).

"Permission to enter Princess." Spoke a deep and sonorous voice from behind the pink haired candy woman.

Princess Bubblegum sighed in frustration. 'I suppose this can wait.' She turned around and was greeted by the sight of an old friend. "Permission granted, Amsel Chocoisette."

Visibly pleased, the chocolate man entered Princess Bubblegum's workshop. He was tall for a candy person; a full foot taller than Princess Bubblegum's height. When he strode in, the large room seemed to shrink in the eyes of the princess. "Always a pleasure to see Candy Kingdom royalty." He took the back of Princess Bubblegum's hand and kissed it. However, before his chocolate lips could firmly plant themselves onto the princess's pale pink skin the hand said skin was wrapped around recoiled. Afterwards the hand came back to Amsel's face in force; his cheek specifically.

"Why did you send your guards to oversee Finn the hero?" Princess Bubblegum yelled.

Recovering from the blow, Amsel snickered. "Is this how the Earl of Lemongrab is treated upon seeing his princess after two years of incumbency? Surely I deserve better."

"The actions you took to secure the people coming from the dig site were unacceptable. Unprecedented."

"As you will recall princess, such actions were necessary. While the other dig sites have yielded much in the way of new technology and knowledge of pre-Mushroom war Ooo the more recent ones have been less hospitable to archaeologists. Need I remind you of the zombies infesting site BAN5?"

"We've gone over this already. The specimens we captured were incapable of transmitting the disease to candy citizens. They were human zombies. The tests we ran proved that zoonoses was an impossibility." The princess hardened her glare at the black center of Amsel's white chocolate eyes.

"Exactly, which is why I took precaution when retrieving our little boy from the latest dig site. He is human after all." He said with a lightness to his voice that suggested he was teaching a five year old. "We wouldn't want a filthy diseased human in our midst, running around and causing a disturbance in the streets."

"You should have let the Banana guards handle the situation." Princess Bubblegum stood up from her stool. "They were perfectly capable of overseeing Finn and Jake in their unconscious states."

"The same Banana guards who left our boy to fend for himself against an onslaught of his undead brethren? That is hardly the decision I would have made."

"It's not your decision to make. It's mine, which is why I've reinstated Banana guards around Finn. You and your royal escort will not be supervising him any longer. They are to be relegated to manning the dig site outside the Candy Kingdom."

Amsel Chocoisette scoffed at the Princess's decision. "Very well. They will follow those orders to the letter. But at the grand meeting of Ooo royalty, I will assign my men stations in the castle, as per usual."

"Until then, I do not want to see one gray clad bubblegum trooper in the city." She took a furtive glance at the table and the fully restored recording device. "Please leave. I need to go through more audio files if I am to learn anything new about the humans that left these things behind."

"As you wish, Princess Bubblegum." He bowed and silently marched his polished black leather boots out. "Please don't stay up too late. It saddens to see my princess looking at her subjects through tired eyes." He said as he crossed the doorway to the room.

Princess Bubblegum continued to stare into the shadows of the hallway where Amsel Chocoisette disappeared; making sure he wouldn't return to make anymore snide remarks. 'That guy doesn't know his place.' She knew she could trust Amsel with her life but sometimes the Earl overstepped his boundaries. She turned back to the table and sat back onto the stool with its familiar butt imprint.

Her finger pressed reached for the button labeled _abspielen_, yet again, before the ancient audio recording device came to life. There was static as the thousand year old machine croaked out the first sounds.

During the intermission, Princess Bubblegum decided it would have been best to take notes and pulled out her trusty notepad and pen.

_Voice 1 "Are we recording this? Hallo? This is doctor Erskine."_

_Voice 2 "Yes doctor, we are ready to proceed. _

_Voice 1 "Gut, sehr gut. The first successful test subject, the second one from Shveden…_

_Voice 3 "Mitt namn är Alexander! Du kan inte ta det ifrån mig. Oavsett hur mycket du torterar mig, jag Alexander!"_

_Voice 1 "…as you will recall, was our greatest breakthrough in the shtudy of human biology. Those shtupid Americans won't know what hit them once we release…! _

_Sound of what seems like plunger going into toilet_

_Voice 3 "JAVETES JAVLA FAN!"_

_Voice 1 "Was ist das? I thought you had the subject properly sedated."_

_Voice 2 "He was for a moment. We gave him all that we had doctor."_

_Voice 3 (screams)_

_Voice 1 "Don't tell me our stock has run out."_

_Voice 2 "I'm afraid so doctor. We won't be receiving anymore from Berlin until next week. We have other sedatives, but the dosage will be absurdly high. And by then, we won't be able to treat the wounded security staff for their injuries."_

_Voice "Okay new plan. Hand me…the shtick."_

_Voice 3 (girly screams)_

_Sound of wood causing blunt force trauma to skull_

_Voice 1 "See. Problem solved. Now take this syringe and stab it in his butt."_

_Voice 2 "Yes doctor."_

_Sound of shuffling shoes_

_Voice 1 "These shience aids. Don't know how things are done. Anyway, test subject Shvedish meatball here has to be reintroduced to the virus. It would seem that the virulence of the Delta L17 wasn't what we hoped for. Svedish meatball reverted to his feeble human self after a few days of running rampant throughout the laboratory, thank God for that. At least he didn't explode like that guy with the serum in his blood. I don't think the lab aids got all of his fleshy chunks from the room we had him in."_

_Sound of roar_

_Voice 1 "Nicht Schlecht. Dear Diary, Christmas has come EARLY!"_

_Sound of metal breaking_

_Voice 1 "Time to play fetch the shtick again! Haha!"_

_Sound of wood breaking humerus_

_Voice 2 (screams)_

_Voice 1 "Whoops! Es tut mir leid."_

* * *

><p>Author's note<p>

Javetes Javla Fan = Swedish for various inappropriate words not suitable for minors

Nicht schlect = German for not bad


	19. PT1: Sweetly Dreaming Finn

Marceline's kitchen was a mess. Finn had had the ill fortune of being inside the house when the Vampire Queen was voraciously hungry.

He had been sleeping the night he was taken. Barely awake, in fact. Drugged with sleep, for lack of a better phrase. Quite literally, he was taken from his room and made to satisfy Marceline the Vampire Queen's unearthly craving for a late night snack.

"I just got done beating the snot out of a nasty Why-Wolf and I. AM. HUNGRY. So you're coming over to my place to help me feed." Marceline had said somewhat insidiously to Finn.

In the event that an individual should find himself in the presence of Marceline the Vampire Queen when her stomach is emptied of all its contents then they had best equip themselves with all the garlic and wooden camping stakes a supermarket has to offer.

Unfortunately, Finn the human is ignorant of his friend's overwhelming need to feed. As a result, he has forgone the protection of anti-vampire weaponry in favor of unprecedented submission to the Vampire Queen's will and acceptance of his fate. "She's one of my bestest buds who needs my help" Finn had silently muttered to himself in order to quell the irritation that had sprouted upon being torn from his place of rest. "This'll only take a moment and then (pause for overextended yawn) it will be back to bed" he had said during his abrupt journey to Marceline's house. The candid human boy had no idea what the night would hold for him. This night, of all nights, would not see Finn leaving the cave.

Finn's trust in Marceline's sound judgment and benevolence was horrendously misplaced. It was most evident in the present state of the kitchen. Crimson colored liquid had practically painted the walls. Over drawers and on the fridge it was splattered. The excess fluids on the kitchen surfaces dripped onto the linoleum floor to form pools of red. If one had an affinity for spilled blood, then the sight of this scene to that person, or perhaps even vampires, would have been the bee's knees to them.

Even Schwabl, the poor zombie dog, had not escaped the disgusting mess. But he was long gone. Left to clean himself in the water outside the house.

Now, Finn the human, the last human in Ooo, quite possibly the sole surviving member of his species, lay barely alive in the house of one of the world's most infamous creatures.

"What the heck Finn!" Marceline cried as the sight of the kitchen mess hit her like a freight train.

A series of groans and moans was her response until finally: "Hmmm? Huh? What? I'll smack you with a turkey leg the Ice King." The words bubbled out of the tomato sauce Finn's face was marinating in.

"What happened to the late night snack you promised me? I asked for Ooo's famous spaghetti not Finn a la' rouge." Marceline continued to float above the sauce covered floor until coming to where Finn lay.

"Sorry Marceline I'm just…(insert second overextended yawn)…really tired. Couldn't you have had a late night snack like…I don't know around noon time? Don't vampires sleep during the day or something?" Finn's exhausted state reverberated in his voice. Though one needn't hear Finn to know he was in dire need of sleep. There was enough drool coming out of his mouth to indicate that much. A deluge of spittle had now occupied space on top of the spaghetti sauce; a pool of drool on a pool of sauce.

"Real nice Finn. Real nice." While Finn uttered his apologies, Marceline had moved onto the kitchen stove to investigate the cause of the explosion. It wasn't difficult to discern what transpired in the kitchen to catalyze the explosion. In Marceline's hands were a box of baking soda and a shattered bottle of something that exuded a foul odor. She took a whif.

"Vinegar." Marceline chuckled. 'Tired boy + baking soda and vinegar in kitchen = uncanny explosion.' Her stomach grumbled its remonstrations to unnecessary thought processes. When struck with the pangs of hunger one does not think, only feed. "Finn I'm taking some of your blood."

"Here take it." He gurgled into the unfinished pasta sauce."I gots no use for it."

Marceline knew that in his sleep deprived state Finn was not to be taken seriously. Never mind the bulging, corpulent veins; the fattened and ripe muscles whose sheer volume promised satiety and respite from Marceline's vampiric hunger. In short, it would be much preferable for the famished vampire to simply ignore the perfectly good snack in favor of lifting her blood filled friend into the bathroom where he could take care of his messy exterior.

"Nah thanks, I'm good." As soon as she said the sentence, Marceline's stomach growled again. "Why don't you take a shower instead. Obviously you're too sleepy to think clearly tonight to do anything." She grabbed Finn's arm and dragged him out of the kitchen, leaving a trail of gored tomatoes.

"Hey Marcy?" Finn whispered as he was pulled upwards through the hole leading into Marceline's bedroom.

"Yes Finn?" The vampire said, voice strained from having to lift 190 pounds of boy.

"You know what time it is?"

"Lemme guess. Is it…"

"Sleepover time." Marceline unceremoniously dumped Finn's sauce covered body into the tub.

"Nice." Finn said through closed eyelids. He rubbed the back of his head, hoping to assuage the pain of his cranium slamming against porcelain. "Hey, could you bring me some of my clothes in the closet?"

Marceline snorted. "Yes master."

He sat there in the bathtub, blinking at the light overhead that suddenly turned on. In the next moment he heard a thud on the floor and a slamming on the other side of the room that indicated he was alone. Numbly, Finn set about undressing himself and haphazardly tossing his soiled clothing somewhere in the corner. His hand turned the knob labeled H and soon droplets of steaming palliative water were washing away the sauce behind his ears. He sighed in relaxation. "Yeah, that's the stuff."

Sitting in a bathtub half awake did no favors for Finn the human's alertness. The only sounds his drowsy senses registered were the spraying of water from the showerhead and the pitter patter of each tiny droplet hitting the porcelain. Over time, he imagined that the droplets were his head hitting the bathtub repeatedly. "Yo Finn your sleeping on the couch downstairs tonight!"

'Yes, this bathtub feels like Marceline's couch." His breathing slowed until it ceased to be evident. The rise and fall of his pectorals was absent and gave no indication that he was breathing.

"Hey Finn, did you hear me?!" There was a severe knock on the door. Startled, Finn sat, back straight, in the bathtub.

"Yeah." His heartbeat was hammering in his eardrums. It was about the only thing he did hear. When he looked down, he saw that his skin was clean enough. Afterwards, he took a whiff of his armpits to confirm what he saw. 'Okay, still smell like tomatoes.' Finn frowned. He did not want to go to bed smelling like tomatoes, least of all seasoned tomatoes made with black peppercorns, salt, basil and all the other usual ingredients commonly incorporated into spaghetti sauce.

His eyes searched for a way to rid himself of the scent of savory skin and found a small assortment of pink and green plastic bottles standing next to the bathtub. Not wanting to stand up, he stretched his arm out from the edge of the bathtub and over to the toiletries. He brought the bottle up to his face and smirked at the label.

_Sensual Strawberry_

'I know what to make Marcy for dessert now.' He chuckled lightly as he squeezed a droplet of the bottle's contents onto his left hand. 'Wait. What if instead of smelling like spaghetti I smell like a strawberry tart?' Finn paused, held the oddly colored paste in his hand to his nose and inhaled heavily. The scent was very gentle, not overpowering. Instead of the overly sweetened product he was expecting, a slight hint of strawberries was all that Finn's olfactory senses detected. Satisfied, he liberally applied the body wash to his armpits and the rest of his body.

After a period of twenty five minutes spent washing, rinsing, drying and finally dressing in give up on life pants and boxers, Finn swung the bathroom door open and looked about the room before him.

His brain was extremely drowsy following the hot shower. In his debilitated state, his cognitive faculties did not register that he was supposed to sleep on Marceline's couch. Gazing at the round bed, Finn immediately ran towards it and jumped onto the sheets. 'This is the softest bed ever.' He thought. Laying supine in a bathtub too small for one's body make people believe such statements. For now, Finn simply enjoyed being comfortable in a bed. And now he was deep in sleep on someone else's bed.


End file.
